She heard the door open and felt Will's hand on her back leading her in.
"Open."
Bryn looked at the room and smiled. The moonlight was shining through the open window and six or seven tea light candles flickered in the wind.
"What is all this?" Bryn asked, heart jumping in her chest.
"Well I said I was hoping you would, you know, but if you didn't-"
"Will."
"Anyways. Yeah. Candles."
"You're sweet."
They looked at each other for a moment, helpless and vulnerable, then Bryn took initiative, knowing someone had to start. She moved to Will, kissing and undressing him and he returned the favour. They walked to the bed, staring at it. Bryn took a deep breath, bit her lips and wrapped herself around him. They fell onto the sheets and there was a moment when he was just lying on her, and she was just lying under him.
They seemed to snap out of it, and he was in her.
Bryn shut her eyes tight and bit her lips together. God, I didn't know how much it hurt.
She couldn't help it, and despite her best efforts, she cried out.
Will looked at her, continuing with the perpetual motion. "What's wrong?" he asked, noticing her wincing.
"No, just, don't-"
"What, what is it?"
She opened her eyes and looked him in the face. Her cheeks burned as she answered, "It hurts." She hated saying it, admitting it. She didn't want another thing to go wrong. Covering her eyes, Bryn started to cry.
Will stopped and pulled away from her. He sat up on the bed and rested his face in his hands.
"Why didn't you say something before?" he snapped.
Bryn pulled a sheet over herself, ashamed. "I wanted to get it over with."
"Is that it? Is that what I am to you?"
"No," she pleaded. "I... I wanted to do it... with you. But I didn't realize how much it hurt?"
"Seriously?"
"Well other girls said it did a little, but I thought I had a higher tolerance for pain."
"Okay. So what do you want now? Do you need a ride home?"
"I'm not going home."
"Well you can't-"
"Can't what?"
He looked at her. "Stay here."
"Why not? Because I won't fuck you?"
Will shook his head and left for the bathroom.
Bryn sat on the bed, arms crossed, toes tapping, thinking. Definitely a mistake.
She heard the pipes creaking and struggling as they pushed water up to the shower.
"Not necessarily," she whispered, zoned out.
Okay, now you know what it feels like so you can become a nun and avoid any further embarrassmentt.
She wiped the tears from her eyes as she had stopped crying. "Maybe it was a mistake," she said after a moment.
"What?" Will asked, coming back in the room.
"Oh, sorry, nothing."
"You should get dressed," he said, pulling on boxers from under the towel he wore around his waist. He took the towel off and threw it against his hamper.
"I can't go home."
"I didn't say you had to. But you do need to get dressed."
She looked from him to the pile of clothes on the floor. She had been so determined, so focused on the idea that sleeping with Will would solve something.
"I'm sorry," she said, pulling her tank top over her head. She slid on her panties the same way Will had with his boxers while wearing the towel. She covered her shoulders with the sheet and sat on the edge of the bed.
"You don't have to be. You shouldn't be. It's your decision." He smiled weakly.
Bryn laid on bed while Will shut off the light. She held onto him and leaned her head into his body. "Thanks for understanding," she whispered.
"Night."
Exhausted, she managed a "Night Will," before falling to sleep.
The night disappeared and suddenly it was dawn. Bryn awoke with a jolt from a dream that she was falling. She looked around the room, wondering then remembering where she was. She winced as yesterday's events flooded back to her.
Bryn noticed the time. It was almost five. There was a good chance Mr. Currant would be coming home before she woke up again, and she couldn't handle any more embarrassment.
Getting dressed in the warm room, Bryn tried to keep quiet so as not to wake Will. She just couldn't face him after last night.
She sighed when she was clothed, wanting to stay, but fearing to do so for so many reasons. She stood over the bed and kissed Will's cheek. She rested her hand on his forehead, moving a tuft of hair in between her thumb and first finger until he shifted to face away from her.
His unintentional action broke her heart just a little.
"See ya," she whispered, leaving his room.
Bryn tiptoed to the top of the stairs, then remembered what she'd left in the bathroom. She quickly retrieved the pregnancy test box and sprinted as quietly as she could down the stairs thinking she heard someone coming. She grabbed her shoes and jumped out of the house.
The sky was dull. The grass was dewy. What wasn't cut out of her vision by fog had a blue tint to it. Soon Will's house faded to white and Bryn's heart rate slowed.
She walked barefoot home, not caring to put her shoes on, reasoning only that she would just have to take them off soon. Bryn stood outside the door wondering if she should just go back to Will's. She had said some pretty shitty things to Angelica and wondered if anything - between her mom or Connor or Lucas or Will - would be the same again.
"Here it goes," she whispered, turning the handle and pushing the door open.
She left it open for me.
Bryn closed it quietly and went to her room. Falling on her bed, she drummed her stomach and pulled something that had been poking her from her pocket. She glanced at it momentarily then threw it to the floor. She sat up and jumped for it greedily.
Bryn brought it back to the bed with her and rummaged between the wall and her bookcase for Jen's notebook. She skipped through it to the last page of writing.
"BLUE"
"Blue?" Bryn frowned. "What the hell can that mean?" she whispered.
She grabbed the box and read its instructions. Lowering it parallel to the book, she looked from one to the other and back.
"BLUE"
"If the absorbent tip turns blue, you are pregnant. If the tip does not change colour, you are not pregnant."
"Jesus Christ."
"Hmm?" A tired coo sounded from across the room. "Did you say something?"
Bryn pulled a pillow over her findings and said, "No, Ellie. Go back to sleep."
Her sister shuffled and soon enough began snoring once again.
Bryn laid on her pillow, guarding the book and the recently discovered secret. She planned to stay awake until school and call in sick, but time and the fact that her eyelids weighed a hundred pounds caught up with her, and she gave in.
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