Just Flowers Chapter 15

Bryn finished reading and almost dropped the book from her hands.
"Jesus Christ," she whispered. "He raped her?"
She flipped back to reread and make certain she had come to the right understanding.
"Then he pushed me down and did it. I couldn't believe what was going on until it was too late to actually stop it. I want him to die so much. I think I might do it. I can't wait for him to try something like he said he would so I can fucking ruin him right there. FUCK!!!! I don't believe that I'm one of those girls. The dumb bitches who aren't smart enough to know when their boyfriend's a skeeze. Dammit! Fuck fuck fuck. I can't believe I fell for it, all "Oh I love you Jen, you're beautiful. Here's fucking necklace because I love you so much." It was all just a fucking excuse to stick his goddamn tongue down my throat. SHIT. I should've seen it all coming. God, why am I so STUPID?!!!"
Bryn put the book down and left for the bathroom. She was a bit nauseous and tears were making their way to freedom. She heaved a few times over the toilet, then actually threw up.
When she rose, here eyes were damp with tears and her ears were ringing. She flushed the toilet then splashed cold water onto her face.
"Asshole. Goddamn him!" she yelled.
Her mother's head peeked through the open door. "You okay?"
"Yeah, uh, I think I'm just a little sick."
"Do you think you'll be able to make it to the dance tomorrow?"
"Uh, I don't-" She stopped as a splinter of an idea lodged itself into her mind. "I'll probably be better by then."
"Good."
Bryn went back to her room to her closet and touched the silky dress she picked out to wear. She ran her hand down the fluted skirt and tried to figure out how her plan would work.
"We'd go. Yes. Definitely. Then he'd- yes. Probably anyways. And then- perfect. I'd catch him and then he wouldn't be able to deny anything. But I'm gonna need some help. Hmmm. But who?" She tapped her chin with her index finger as she thought. Once the person came to mind, she exclaimed, "Aha!" then laughed at herself for doing so. "Yeah. Everything's gonna work out just perfectly if I play it right."
Bryn imagined many scenarios, all ending with Connor's condemnation. She set the book aside on her desk, carefully as if it were to delicate to treat merely as a book, and got into bed. She laid there for a long time before being coaxed to sleep by two very heavy eyelids.
"It's all for you Jen," she murmured as she drifted off to dreamland.

The next morning, after a long night of tossing, turning and wondering whether or not to just get up and stay up, Bryn hit the snooze on her alarm clock and rolled back over for another ten minutes of sleep. When the dreaded sound made itself heard a second time, she got up for good and went to the bathroom to brush her teeth.
Angelica had been cooking downstairs, pancakes with bacon and the option for eggs the only way she knew how to make them: scrambled. Bryn took a few strips of bacon from the plate and pushed two slices of bread into the toaster. "Morning," she offered, leaning on the counter as she waited for her breakfast.
"I noticed Will's sleeping on the couch."
"He got kicked out."
"I know. His father called."
"Did you tell him Will was here?"
Angelica picked up the spatula and flipped a pancake. "Yes."
"Why?"
"What was I supposed to do, Bryn? Lie? I'm not a child. I have nothing to hide."
Her daughter exhaled loudly, picking her toast from the toaster and assembling a sandwich with the bacon. "You could've lied. Did you ever think that maybe he had a reason for leaving?"
"Fine. You win. I've given up fighting with you."
Bryn rolled her eyes and took a bite of her sandwich.
"Is this still about before, Mom, 'cause I already told you why I was mad. Now it just seems like you're trying to start a confrontation."
"If I am I don't mean to. I just want us to be like we were when your dad was alive."
"I don't know if that'll happen."
They were silent. Ellie came in. Making as much noise as she could without talking, she pulled a plate from the cupboard, slamming it on the counter, put three pancakes, a handful of bacon and a pile of eggs on it and took a fork from the cutlery drawer. She sat down at the table and shovelled the food in.
"Something wrong?" Bryn asked, watching her fold bacon and eggs into a pancake and eat it.
"It's your fault," Ellie answered, blowing chewed pancake and egg particles past her plate. "All your fault."
"How is this my fault?"
Ellie looked at her mother. Angelica raised her eyebrows and put her hands up as to say she knew nothing. Ellie jutted her head out asking her without actually asking her to leave. She picked up her coffee and left.
I'm alone with the beast.
"You," Ellie, whispered loudly, "made Lucas break up with me. He said I was too jealous. What does that even mean? I'm not even jealous. I'm pissed the hell off. But definitely not jealous."
Bryn sighed. "I didn't tell Lucas to do anything. If he broke up with you I had no part in it."
"Now I don't even get to go to the spring formal. I went on and on about it at school that I was the only person in grade eleven who was going and now I don't even get to go. Thanks a fuckin' lot." She picked up her plate and stomped to their room.
Bryn finished her breakfast trying and easily succeeding in leaving her sister's troubles out of her mind. There were things to be done.
She picked up the phone in the living room but before dialling, she held the receiver up to her ear and listened for a moment to the tone. It was comforting, somehow, and she breathed slowly as the words she was about to speak swam through her mind. She dialled the number.
"Hello?"
"Oh hi. Can I please speak to Lucas?"
"Hold on."
Bryn could hear the woman call her son from her end.
"Ellie?" he answered to anxiously.
"Uh, no. It's Bryn."
"Bryn? What, uh, what's up?"
"I wanted to talk to you. It's really important."
"Is this about Ellie, because she said she would say some things about me that weren't true."
"Not now. I have to tell you something. And ask you something too, I guess."
"Okay," he said cautiously.
"You're still going to the dance," she said, looking over her shoulder, suddenly paranoid.
"I don't think so, I mean after Ellie broke up with me I kinda feel crappy. I don't think a dance would help me out at all."
"What if I said I wanted to meet you there?"
She heard him hold his breath from the other side. "Why?"
"I know I don't deserve it, but I just... want a chance to... show you how I feel. I just want to meet you okay?"
"So you want to go with me?"
"Not exactly. I'm still kind of going with Connor. I just want to meet you there. There's a good reason, and I know you'd be happier if you did."
Lucas didn't answer.
"Hello?" she called into the phone.
"Yeah, sorry. I'm surprised, is all. I really don't get women."
"That's the beauty of it."
He laughed. "Okay, so we'll meet at the dance, but who am I going with?"
"That's another thing. I think you should get back with Ellie."
"What?"
"I know it sounds really strange, but I know it'll make her happy. And me. It'll make me happy too."
"But you just said-"
"Just trust me. Ellie's upstairs, so you can talk to her in a sec, but please, Lucas will you do this for me?"
He breathed, considering it and finally agreed.
"So meet me at Connor's car at nine sharp? And I just want you to know I was scared too. I still am."
She could hear Lucas' smile in his voice. "Good to know I'm not alone."
"I'll get Ellie."
Once the two had connected on the phone, Bryn let them have their privacy. She knew Ellie and knew Lucas' power of persuasion. He would go to the dance and Ellie would stop eating. All would be restored.
Sitting in the dark on the love seat adjacent to the couch where Will slept, Bryn felt her stomach jump to her throat.
What I'm about to do could either right a wrong... or fuck me up for the rest of my life.

As she was about to leave, Will stirred on the couch.
"Good morning," he said, wiping the sleep from his eyes.
"How'd you sleep?"
"Oh now all of the sudden you care about my well being," he teased.
"I could've shaved your eyebrows off while you slept but I chose not to. I think that shows incredible maturity."
"Who was that on the phone?"
"My... aunt."
"I thought I heard you say 'Lucas.'"
"You were listening?"
"You were talking loud."
"Why'd you ask then, weirdo?"
"I dunno. I just wanted you to admit that 'you were scared.'" Scared of what exactly?"
The death penalty when you go missing."
"And that's my cue to stop."
They looked at one another for a moment, then Will broke the quiet. "I should take a shower. I wanna be nice and clean before I get on the bus."
"Bus to where?"
"Calgary."
"You're going back already?"
"It's been a long time. Anyways, school's starting again eventually and I have to get a job and make some money."
"For?"
"Living. Eating. My dad's not paying for anything but tuition this year. Or until I talk to my mother at least. But that'll probably be a long time from now, so..."
"Hmmm."
"Right." He stood and started towards the bathroom.
"Will?"
"Yeah."
"I love you too."
"I know."
They smiled awkwardly then Bryn looked to the floor, her heart breaking. She moved to him, lip trembling, ready to cry, holding back as best she could.
"I just wanted you to know, you know. Before you go back and meet another girl and forget how you loved me."
"I won't forget."
"I was really disappointed when things didn't work out, Will, and now I know why."
"It's hard the first time and every other time after. You just have to-"
"No, it's not that. Well not all that. Just, whenever I look at you, it almost feels like I'm looking at a part of Jen. When you smile, it's like she's smiling and when you laugh it's like she's laughing too. I guess we were doomed from the start, huh, with a mentality like that. And when you said you weren't in love with me, I was broken-"
"Bryn," he sighed.
"No, let me finish. I need to say it. When you said it, I was broken, but I was relieved. I wanted so much for it to work out that I would have my piece of Jen. It's not the notebook or pictures that were enough. You were real. A tangible memory. I think I used you, Will, to try to evoke some memories to keep her alive. But I do love you. I loved the time we were with one another, and I love you."
"I really don't know what to say."
"Then let's just leave it with goodbye."
"Goodbye." He leaned in, and just as everything she had said hit her, Will kissed her cheek and lingered a moment.
She looked at him one more time. She would remember him, she knew. Forever and ever.
They parted, Will to the shower, Bryn to her room.
As she closed the door, Bryn could hear the rumbling pipes as water started through them to the shower head. She sat on her bed, both full and empty, happy and sad.

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May 15

Connor had just called and Jen had answered without checking the call display. The moment she heard his voice, she hung up.
Her heart was beating so fast she was afraid she might pass out. She pushed the hair out of her face and picked up the phone to call Bryn.
Angelica answered.
"Sorry Jen, Bryn's not here."
"Oh, okay."
"You know, we miss you around here. We hardly see you anymore."
"I know. It sucks."
Pause.
"Well, I'll tell Bryn you called."
"Thank you."
"See you then. Maybe you and your dad would like to come over for dinner sometime this week?"
"I'll bring it up."
"Goodbye."
Jen twisted her face in the mirror and tapped the phone against her knee.
"Cellphone, maybe," she said. She dialled.
One ring. Two. Three. Voice mail.
"Where the hell are you Bryn?" Jen asked the room, dropping the phone back in its spot. She walked around her room, then on a whim, decided to take a walk.
Why does the world seem so happy when I'm so miserable?
She tightened her jacket around her body as a gust of wind blew in her direction.
Why do I even bother?
Jen touched her stomach and bit her lip nervously in response.
Up ahead, a teenage girl was walking in Jen's direction. Jen moved to the right side of the sidewalk, turning herself away. She felt the girl could see what happened; as if Connor had left a mark on her spirit that others could see.
She began to tear up.
"Jen?"
She looked up. "Oh, hey. I tried calling you but your mom said you were out."
Bryn scoffed. "I'm surprised she was oriented enough to know the phone was ringing."
"Sounded sober to me."
"Doubt it. Anyways... what did you call about?"
"Oh, I-" It was harder than she thought it would be to tell someone. It was a lot harder to tell her best friend.
"Sorry, but I'm just on my way home. I know I sound like such a bitch right now but I just have to be home near my bed. I fucking hate Chris."
"Okay." The disappointment in Jen's voice was masked by momentary relief.
"Did I tell you what the asshole said to me?"
"No."
"He said we need some space. As if he's gonna break up with me, right? Do you believe that bullshit?"
"No."
Bryn kept talking, having forgotten that she wanted to be at home. They walked the opposite way Jen had come and soon they were in front of her house.
"Do you have a minute?" Jen asked, interrupting. There was a tinge of urgency in her voice, undetected by her friend.
"I kinda feel like crap. I think I'm gonna go to bed."
Jen lowered her head and cleaned her finger nails with the teeth of the zipper on her jacket. "Okay."
"Well if it's really important, can you just tell me now? Quickly?"
"It's not the kind of thing that comes out quickly. It's kinda big."
"Well then tomorrow at school. Look, I gotta go. My head's killing me."
"Fine."
"Bye."
"Yeah."
Jen watched as Bryn walked away guiltless. Why did she want to leave so fast? What the hell can possibly be more important than her best friend? God, why does everything have to be so hard? If I would have just broken up with him when I wanted to, I wouldn't have this problem.
"Or this one," Jen said to herself, again touching the bump of her stomach that had lately become more noticeable.
She sighed.
"What am I going to do?"

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