Just Flowers Chapter 16 & 17

Chapter 16

Will finished his shower and walked out of the humid bathroom. Bryn avoided him, waiting in the doorway of her bedroom. Once she was sure he was gone, she could focus.
I'm gonna make him wish he never touched her. She wiped an arc of steam from the mirror and breathed slowly. This was it.
She undressed and showered, scrubbing her skin pink, cleansing herself of all inhibitions. What she was about to do was for Jen, but it would be dangerous. If everyone acted as she supposed they would, Bryn figured that all the pieces would fall just as she wanted them.

The primping began. She blow dried her hair, then curled it and pulled it back with bobby pins and an oversized hair clip. She put on eyeshadow that sparkled when she moved her eyes, and liner to make them look bigger. She finished with a sheer lip gloss and deemed herself pretty damn good looking.
As she entered the bedroom, she noticed Ellie getting ready too. She smoothed the material of her dress over her stomach and hips.
"Looks nice," Bryn said, smiling apologetically.
"I don't care what you think."
"Fine."
"You're still going with Connor, right? I don't want Lucas to feel sorry for you and ask you to dance."
"I told you I don't even like him."
"Again, lies."
"You must be pretty insecure with yourself."
"Screw you."
"No, I'm serious. If you can't believe your boyfriend isn't cheating on you, you've got issues." Bryn could see her sister's cheeks burn.
"You're hair looks like shit by the way," Ellie said, pushing past her as she stormed to the bathroom.
Bryn closed the door, dropped the towel and clothed herself in the dress she had been waiting to wear all year.
"Why am I wasting it on Connor? Why can't I be going with someone like... Will?"
"Knock, knock," Will said, pushing the door open to peek his head in. "Hey."
"Oh, hey."
"You look nice."
"Thanks."
"Beautiful actually."
"Okay, um, what did you want?"
"Oh, right. Well I'm heading out now, so I just came to say goodbye... again."
Bryn was drawn to him. "Will you be back for Christmas break?"
"Won't you be at college somewhere?"
"I'm coming home for Christmas."
"I dunno."
"Okay."
"I'll call."
"You don't have to."
"No, really." He pushed his hand into his jeans pocket and pulled out a slip of paper. "Got a pen?"
"Will, you don't have-"
"Can you just let me do this?" he snapped, taking the pencil she held in her hand. "Now, here's the number where I'll be staying. And the address. Call. Or write. Or don't. It's up to you now," he continued, softening his tone. "So.. I'll hear from you maybe. If not, I'll know you're happy somewhere."
He handed Bryn the paper and leaned in, kissing the corner of her mouth, then turned and walked away.
Bryn's instinct was to follow him, to kiss him like she meant it, because she knew she would mean it, but she remained where she was, knowing there were bigger things she had to do.
She heard the front door close and his car drive away. She went back to her room and sat on the bed, clutching Jen's notebook in her arms. She didn't notice her sister come in.
"What's with that fucking notebook anyways? Is it your diary?"
Bryn forgot the words as quickly as she heard them and continued to stare at nothing.
Ellie walked toward her. "Seriously. What's your problem."
"Leave me alone Ellie," she said, morose.
"Why should I do what you say? You didn't stop with Lucas-"
"I never did anything!" Bryn screamed, looking at her now enraged sister. "Lucas and I were never even within close enough distance of each other to kiss or anything else. Why don't you just believe me?"
"What about that night you and mom had that fight and you spent the night with Will? He said you kissed him then."
Damn.
"He's lying," Bryn answered automatically.
"I think you're lying."
"I can't believe we keep having this fight, Ellie. I mean, shit! I've said the same thing like a hundred times and you keep insisting I'm the one to blame."
"Gimme that then," Ellie said, nodding at the notebook
"No."
"Why not?"
"Because it's not yours."
"Or is it because it's your journal and you wrote about Lucas in there?"
"That's ridiculous." Bryn said, but before she could finish 'ridiculous,' Ellie had snatched it from her hands and jumped away.
"Fuck you Ellie, give it back!"
"After I find the point about you and Lucas." Ellie jumped and dodged to avoid her sister as she whipped each page out of the way of the next, looking for her boyfriend's name.
Bryn managed to get a hold of the book and held on tight. "Let go!" she yelled.
"You let go!"
"It's my fucking book!"
"Yeah, that you wrote-"
The sound of paper ripping froze the two girls and for a moment, nobody moved, reviewing what had happened. Ellie's face turned particularly nasty and she had three or four of the handwritten pages.
"Keep 'em," she said in the most horrid way possible, and tore the sheets in half and in half again.
Bryn watched, absolutely horrified as, like snowflakes, the pieces sprinkled to the ground. She dropped the book and punched her sister square in the nose, screaming, "That was Jen's book you fucking bitch!"
Ellie fell backwards, nose bleeding as Bryn dropped her offense and dove for the shreds of precious paper she'd kept sacred all this time.
Ellie was crying, and as their mother entered the room yelling ("What's going on?"), Ellie coughed up some blood that had dripped into the back of her throat.
"What the hell did you do?"
Bryn was in a daze. The others in the room became fuzzy and sounds became dull and as much as she felt like crying, she couldn't. She heaved, wanting to throw up, but fell forward onto the floor as her sister screamed about her nose being broken.

On the couch forty minutes later, Bryn woke up. Above her, she could see her mother, Connor and Lucas.
"She's awake, thank God," Angelica said, getting up.
"Too bad," Ellie replied from the kitchen, a face cloth damp with blood and water pressed to her nose.
"You can take that off your face, Ellie. Your nose stopped bleeding ten minutes ago."
"Do you think we can still go to the dance, Mrs. Halleson?" Lucas asked intrepidly, looking sharply from Ellie to Bryn.
"I don't know. I'm not sure either of my daughters really deserve to go." Angelica paced the length of the couch.
"We got all dressed up, Mom. It's not fair," Ellie whined.
Her mother cocked her head in thought. "What do you suppose I do, Ellie?"
"Make Bryn stay home. I didn't even do anything!"
"Liar," Bryn said, sitting up slowly. She pushed the heels of her palms into her temples. Her entire head pulsed.
"I don't care who started it. From what I saw, both of you deserve to be punished."
"But I have to go," Bryn said abruptly. Her mother looked at her. "I mean... this is the last big dance before I graduate."
"What about prom?" Ellie mumbled to herself.
"That's actually after prom, Ellie," Lucas chimed. The look she returned was red hot. He backed off.
Angelica tapped her foot. "I've decided to let you go-"
Everyone but Bryn cheered.
"But," Angelica continued, "you both have to be home by eleven. Tomorrow we can sort out the punishments for you two."
"Eleven?" Ellie asked. "How 'bout midnight?"
"How about ten thirty?"
"But the really good songs don't get played until after midnight."
"Ten."
"What? No!"
"You want to keep talking, you're gonna owe me time. Now go before I change my mind."

Ellie and Lucas left first, though she had to wash her face again to clean the blood off and redo her makeup. Bryn and Connor followed.
"So other than the sister beating and passing out, how was your day?" Connor asked, turning to her from time to time as they drove to the school
"Will left."
"I never really liked him. I mean, he never approved of me. Almost got Jen to break up with me once."
"Oh."
"Yeah. But that was a long time ago."
"I know."

The dance had started and the student parking was almost full. Lucas found a spot near the doors (by fluke of course, a girl was sick with food allergies and had to be rushed to the hospital and the people who took her left a vacant spot) and Connor parked in the place farthest from Lucas.\
Shit. I wonder if Lucas knows where we parked.
"Come on," Conner said, opening the door, holding out his hand. He pulled her arm and she cried out in pain. He immediately tended to her. "What, what's wrong?"
Bryn took her hand back and held it. "My hand. It's the one I... hit Ellie with. It still kinda hurts."
"Oh, sorry."
"Let's just get in there."

The gym was packed and the air was hot from everyone's constant breathing. Connor led her to the center of the dance floor and pulled her close, moving their bodies in sync with each other. Bryn held back a gag as his hand slipped down her back to the top of her bottom. She kept a close eye on the clock on the west facing wall and finally it came upon a quarter to nine.
They were slow dancing to a song Bryn hadn't heard of and she brought her lips in close to his ear and whispered, "Wanna get some air?"
Connor nodded and followed her out to the parking lot.
"Some party, huh?" he stated rather than asked.
"Do you have your car keys?"
Connor's eyes lit up, surprised. "Yeah."
"Let's go."
They sat down in the car, both staring forward, quietly, timidly. It was easy to pretend to seduce him with tons of bodies around her, even out in the open, but it was something about being closed in a car - the car - with him that made her shiver.
"Why were you and Ellie fighting anyways?"
"Some girl thing."
"What kind?" he persisted, taking the opportunity to show his sleuthlike abilities. He inched closer disguising it as readjusting himself.
"The kind where one is insanely jealous of the other."
"Oh-kay."
"Connor, there's something I've been wanting to ask you about, but I just never found the right time."
"Okay, shoot."
"Did you even love Jen at all?"
"Why do you ask?"
"I guess I just wanted to know."
"Because she was your best friend?"
"That... and also because she told me something before she died."
Connor tensed at her words but tried to remain aloof. "Like what?"
"She told me that you tried something with her. Is that true?"
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"You must know something."
"I can't honestly say that I do."
"I think you do," she said, looking at him knowingly.
He read her face clearly, but kept with his plea of innocence. "No, God no. I wouldn't do anything she didn't want. I loved her."
"But were you in love?"
"That's hard to say."
"Why so? I should think it would be easy to distinguish whether or not you were in love."
"I guess maybe then. You know how I feel about teenage love."
"But you said you love me."
"Yeah"
"Are you in love with me?"
"I think so."
"So you'll treat me like you did Jen?"
"What're you getting at?"
"If you were in love with her why did you hurt her?"
"Wha-what do you mean?" he asked, swallowing hard.
"You fucked her."
"Shut up."
"You raped her."
"Stop it."
"You got her pregnant and didn't think twice about it, didn't you?"
"No!"
"Didn't you?" she screamed.
"NO!"
"Liar!"
"Fine! You wanna know? I'll tell you. We did have sex but she wanted it too."
"Why was she crying? Why did she fight back?"
"How do you know?"
"That's what people do when they're being raped!"
"Stop fucking saying that!" Connor yelled, hitting his hands on the dash. He was falling right into her trap. But time was running out. It was almost already ten to nine and he hadn't attacked her yet. She needed something big.
"She killed herself because of you, you know."
"No she didn't."
"Yes she did. She took one pill for every minute she thought about killing herself when she was with you." Bryn's throat was dry and as she spoke, and every word stuck in it. She watched Connor brewing over the what she had just said, watched his grip tighten on the steering wheel. His jaw locked.
Bingo.
"It's true," she whispered, close to his ear, but as quickly as she had spoken, she was cut off. Connor held onto her throat with one hand and pushed her back into the seat. He switched hands so his right could undo his belt.
"You wanna fuckin' know what happened that night?"
Bryn gasped, clawing as best she could at his arm and face. She jerked violently back and forth as Connor grabbed a hold of her hand and bent the fingers back.
She reeled in pain and in falling to the side, hit Connor's uncovered eye.
I can't go through with this, not if it means being raped. I have to get out.
Bryn slid backwards to the door and fumbled to unlock it. Just as it seemed as if she had it, Connor grabbed her legs and pulled them around himself. He pushed her shoulders down and looked her in the face.
"She tried to fight back too, you were right."
He smacked his face into hers, kissing her hard. She moved her head back and forth but he held a suction on her mouth that she could not remove. Her first instinct was to spit.
Connor recoiled disgusted and sat up, then spit back in her face. He grabbed her wrists, moving her left hand to join the right and with his free hand, ripped the side of her dress open.
"Get off of me!" Bryn screamed, thrashing , noticing from the corner of her eye the clock which read 9:00. it relieved her, but as nobody came automatically to her rescue, she pursued her first effort to get the hell out of the car.
Connor slapped her, moving up high on his knees to do so. Saving the shock for later, Bryn acted in the moment. She brought her leg up quickly and slammed her foot as hard as she could between his legs.
As if having pressed a release button, Bryn's arms were free and she slid again to the door and pulled on the lock.
Connor's door jerked open and a set of hands reached in and pulled him out by his hair and an arm. Bryn got out of the car and peered over it as many things made their way into her vision.
First there was Ellie running down the parking lot, the bottom of her dress in her hands. She was yelling Lucas' name and looked confused as hell when she got to them.
The second was Lucas kicking something on the ground, and as she made her way around the car, she saw that the something was Connor. He was curled in the fetal position, still holding his groin.
Bryn caught her breath and held Lucas' shoulder to stop him.
"Bryn what the hell happened?" Ellie cried.
"Connor attacked me," she answered, pulling together the side of her dress.
Lucas shook his head and handed her his jacket. She put it on, watching him pacing angrily in front of them. Connor groaned from the ground.
"I'll kill him. I'll fucking kill him."
"No, Lucas. Calm down for a minute," Bryn said, again touching his shoulder.
"Don't tell me you love this clown!" he retorted.
"No. But he has to pay for it. He did this to Jen, but actually did it. I got lucky."
"Lucky? You were almost... No, I don't even want to think about this."
"Ellie, call the police," Bryn said, starting to shake. She felt her neck where Connor had held.
Ellie pulled out her cell and complied with her sister's request. Bryn moved close to Lucas and he hugged her.
"You were late, Lucas," she whispered, happy, safe.
"I couldn't get away from Ellie. Every time I went for punch or to the bathroom she thought I was sneaking out to see you."
"Thank you."
Lucas kissed her forehead and let her go. He stood over Connor.
"They'll be here soon," Ellie reported. She dialled a number and moved away from them to another car and talked for a minute or so.
Bryn wiped the spit from her face, as in the moment, she hadn't thought to.
Ellie appeared by her side and stuck the phone in her face. "It's mom."
Bryn took it. "Hey mom," she said, tearing up.
"Bryn, it's Will."
"Will?"
"Are you alright? He didn't touch you did he?"
"No. I managed to fight him off. Lucas got a few punches in too."
"I wish I was there to help you."
"It's okay."
"I love you."
"I love you too."
A patrol car pulled up and a policeman jumped out of the car.
"I have to go, the cops are here."
They disconnected.

The next morning, Bryn woke up to a far away conversation from the kitchen. Angelica, Ellie and Danny Currant were definitely there. The door squeaked open enough for a head to peek through. "Are you awake?" Ellie's voice cooed.
"Yeah." Bryn sat up, pushing the hair back from her face. Her sister came in and kneeled at her side.
"I'm sorry, Bryn."
"Don't be."
"No, I really am. I should've trusted you."
"I actually asked Lucas to meet me there."
"I know. He told me."
"You're not mad?"
"I should've realized before that no matter what guys come into my lief, you're here for good."
"You hate me don't you?"
"I did at first. But even though Lucas is a good guy, he isn't worth losing a sister over. Plus it's pretty hard to be mad at you after what happened."
"True."
"And sorry for ripping Jen's book. If I'd known, I wouldn't have been such a bitch."
"It's in the past."
Though Ellie smiled, Bryn could tell she had been crying.
"Are the cops here again?"
"Yeah," she answered sounding guilty. "They want to talk to you a little more about what happened."
"Okay."
"Ellie stood up and waled to the door. "I could tell them you need a little time to get changed," she offered.
"Thanks."
She opened the door and left it open for the next visitor as she left.
"Are you okay?" Will asked.
"You came back," she said, her heart beating fast.
"I know. Are you okay, though?"
"My throat hurts a little, but otherwise I'm fine."
"I'm so sorry for going. I was just really mad."
Bryn looked confusedly at him. "You didn't seem that mad."
"I didn't want to hurt you anymore than I have."
"You didn't hurt me that bad, Will. I'll be fine." She smiled.
"I have something for you." He looked through a backpack at the door. "I should've given it to you before, but I was just really upset. I didn't understand why it was addressed to you and not me." He stood and held a folded piece of paper out to her.
"What is it?"
"A suicide note."
She looked at him with weary eyes. "When did you find this?" Holding it in her hands, she saw the end to her struggle.
"When I was packing her things. It was in one of her drawers and I read it and couldn't understand why not me. Why it wasn't addressed to me."
Bryn unfolded it and read the few lines. She cried, taking in the words that Jen had wrote. She stood and wrapped her arms around Will.
"She's okay now," she whispered through her tears, and as the two of them stood in their embrace, dark clouds clapped together overhead and it rained.

Chapter 17

<|><|><|>

The last day Jen was alive was nothing like she thought it might be. All the times she had been asked "What would you do if you had one day to live?" she had given the typical answer.
"I would take a walk on the beach. I would watch the sunset. I would tell everyone I loved that I loved them."
Never once did she say, "I would go to school, then come home and watch TV." But that's what she did.
As the sunlight dimmed and night approached, Jen found herself in her bedroom staring at a bottle of pills.
One more day, she argued, to make a lasting impression. To tell off all the fuckers who got on my nerves.
"Nah, Bryn would know something's up and make an excuse to stay over."
Okay then, skip school tomorrow and do something exciting.
"There's nothing really to do."
Hitch hike to the city.
"I'm just finding a reason not to do this. But there are-"
She stopped talking and grabbed a sheet of paper and a pen. She started writing.
"Dear Bryn,
You've always been my friend but this was inevitable. For so long now I've wanted to tell you so many things, but I'm afraid of what you'd think of me. I thought that maybe you'd think I was weak or stupid, I don't know. I love you and I want you to know you were the reason I kept from doing this for so long. But now there is no way out and i can't be here anymore. Don't forget me, but life is meant for living, so keep living. Remember everything because when you hit this point, all you'll have is your memories. I really don't mean to hurt you, but in saving myself, there are casualties. There's not enough to anchor me anymore. Bye."
She read the last word and felt it too insignificant to use, too understated. It looked foreign and out of place.
Jen left it though, getting on with what she felt she had to do. Pouring the entire contents of the bottle into her hand, she looked at what was to take her to somewhere she could be happy. She took them one by one until her hand was empty, then laid down to bed, singing.
"If you fall will you get up
Stuck in a dream will you wake up
and if you fell in love would you hold onto it."