That's my story everyone. I'm done the type up (I've decided this is a type up instead of a second draft) of the first draft. Once I print it all, I can start editing it and adding more stuff. I know I say this all every time, but I am just so effing excited! YAY I'm one step closer to my dream! Hooray!
Celebration: this weekend, party with my buds.
Will do.
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Just Flowers Chapter 16 & 17
Chapter 16
Will finished his shower and walked out of the humid bathroom. Bryn avoided him, waiting in the doorway of her bedroom. Once she was sure he was gone, she could focus.
I'm gonna make him wish he never touched her. She wiped an arc of steam from the mirror and breathed slowly. This was it.
She undressed and showered, scrubbing her skin pink, cleansing herself of all inhibitions. What she was about to do was for Jen, but it would be dangerous. If everyone acted as she supposed they would, Bryn figured that all the pieces would fall just as she wanted them.
The primping began. She blow dried her hair, then curled it and pulled it back with bobby pins and an oversized hair clip. She put on eyeshadow that sparkled when she moved her eyes, and liner to make them look bigger. She finished with a sheer lip gloss and deemed herself pretty damn good looking.
As she entered the bedroom, she noticed Ellie getting ready too. She smoothed the material of her dress over her stomach and hips.
"Looks nice," Bryn said, smiling apologetically.
"I don't care what you think."
"Fine."
"You're still going with Connor, right? I don't want Lucas to feel sorry for you and ask you to dance."
"I told you I don't even like him."
"Again, lies."
"You must be pretty insecure with yourself."
"Screw you."
"No, I'm serious. If you can't believe your boyfriend isn't cheating on you, you've got issues." Bryn could see her sister's cheeks burn.
"You're hair looks like shit by the way," Ellie said, pushing past her as she stormed to the bathroom.
Bryn closed the door, dropped the towel and clothed herself in the dress she had been waiting to wear all year.
"Why am I wasting it on Connor? Why can't I be going with someone like... Will?"
"Knock, knock," Will said, pushing the door open to peek his head in. "Hey."
"Oh, hey."
"You look nice."
"Thanks."
"Beautiful actually."
"Okay, um, what did you want?"
"Oh, right. Well I'm heading out now, so I just came to say goodbye... again."
Bryn was drawn to him. "Will you be back for Christmas break?"
"Won't you be at college somewhere?"
"I'm coming home for Christmas."
"I dunno."
"Okay."
"I'll call."
"You don't have to."
"No, really." He pushed his hand into his jeans pocket and pulled out a slip of paper. "Got a pen?"
"Will, you don't have-"
"Can you just let me do this?" he snapped, taking the pencil she held in her hand. "Now, here's the number where I'll be staying. And the address. Call. Or write. Or don't. It's up to you now," he continued, softening his tone. "So.. I'll hear from you maybe. If not, I'll know you're happy somewhere."
He handed Bryn the paper and leaned in, kissing the corner of her mouth, then turned and walked away.
Bryn's instinct was to follow him, to kiss him like she meant it, because she knew she would mean it, but she remained where she was, knowing there were bigger things she had to do.
She heard the front door close and his car drive away. She went back to her room and sat on the bed, clutching Jen's notebook in her arms. She didn't notice her sister come in.
"What's with that fucking notebook anyways? Is it your diary?"
Bryn forgot the words as quickly as she heard them and continued to stare at nothing.
Ellie walked toward her. "Seriously. What's your problem."
"Leave me alone Ellie," she said, morose.
"Why should I do what you say? You didn't stop with Lucas-"
"I never did anything!" Bryn screamed, looking at her now enraged sister. "Lucas and I were never even within close enough distance of each other to kiss or anything else. Why don't you just believe me?"
"What about that night you and mom had that fight and you spent the night with Will? He said you kissed him then."
Damn.
"He's lying," Bryn answered automatically.
"I think you're lying."
"I can't believe we keep having this fight, Ellie. I mean, shit! I've said the same thing like a hundred times and you keep insisting I'm the one to blame."
"Gimme that then," Ellie said, nodding at the notebook
"No."
"Why not?"
"Because it's not yours."
"Or is it because it's your journal and you wrote about Lucas in there?"
"That's ridiculous." Bryn said, but before she could finish 'ridiculous,' Ellie had snatched it from her hands and jumped away.
"Fuck you Ellie, give it back!"
"After I find the point about you and Lucas." Ellie jumped and dodged to avoid her sister as she whipped each page out of the way of the next, looking for her boyfriend's name.
Bryn managed to get a hold of the book and held on tight. "Let go!" she yelled.
"You let go!"
"It's my fucking book!"
"Yeah, that you wrote-"
The sound of paper ripping froze the two girls and for a moment, nobody moved, reviewing what had happened. Ellie's face turned particularly nasty and she had three or four of the handwritten pages.
"Keep 'em," she said in the most horrid way possible, and tore the sheets in half and in half again.
Bryn watched, absolutely horrified as, like snowflakes, the pieces sprinkled to the ground. She dropped the book and punched her sister square in the nose, screaming, "That was Jen's book you fucking bitch!"
Ellie fell backwards, nose bleeding as Bryn dropped her offense and dove for the shreds of precious paper she'd kept sacred all this time.
Ellie was crying, and as their mother entered the room yelling ("What's going on?"), Ellie coughed up some blood that had dripped into the back of her throat.
"What the hell did you do?"
Bryn was in a daze. The others in the room became fuzzy and sounds became dull and as much as she felt like crying, she couldn't. She heaved, wanting to throw up, but fell forward onto the floor as her sister screamed about her nose being broken.
On the couch forty minutes later, Bryn woke up. Above her, she could see her mother, Connor and Lucas.
"She's awake, thank God," Angelica said, getting up.
"Too bad," Ellie replied from the kitchen, a face cloth damp with blood and water pressed to her nose.
"You can take that off your face, Ellie. Your nose stopped bleeding ten minutes ago."
"Do you think we can still go to the dance, Mrs. Halleson?" Lucas asked intrepidly, looking sharply from Ellie to Bryn.
"I don't know. I'm not sure either of my daughters really deserve to go." Angelica paced the length of the couch.
"We got all dressed up, Mom. It's not fair," Ellie whined.
Her mother cocked her head in thought. "What do you suppose I do, Ellie?"
"Make Bryn stay home. I didn't even do anything!"
"Liar," Bryn said, sitting up slowly. She pushed the heels of her palms into her temples. Her entire head pulsed.
"I don't care who started it. From what I saw, both of you deserve to be punished."
"But I have to go," Bryn said abruptly. Her mother looked at her. "I mean... this is the last big dance before I graduate."
"What about prom?" Ellie mumbled to herself.
"That's actually after prom, Ellie," Lucas chimed. The look she returned was red hot. He backed off.
Angelica tapped her foot. "I've decided to let you go-"
Everyone but Bryn cheered.
"But," Angelica continued, "you both have to be home by eleven. Tomorrow we can sort out the punishments for you two."
"Eleven?" Ellie asked. "How 'bout midnight?"
"How about ten thirty?"
"But the really good songs don't get played until after midnight."
"Ten."
"What? No!"
"You want to keep talking, you're gonna owe me time. Now go before I change my mind."
Ellie and Lucas left first, though she had to wash her face again to clean the blood off and redo her makeup. Bryn and Connor followed.
"So other than the sister beating and passing out, how was your day?" Connor asked, turning to her from time to time as they drove to the school
"Will left."
"I never really liked him. I mean, he never approved of me. Almost got Jen to break up with me once."
"Oh."
"Yeah. But that was a long time ago."
"I know."
The dance had started and the student parking was almost full. Lucas found a spot near the doors (by fluke of course, a girl was sick with food allergies and had to be rushed to the hospital and the people who took her left a vacant spot) and Connor parked in the place farthest from Lucas.\
Shit. I wonder if Lucas knows where we parked.
"Come on," Conner said, opening the door, holding out his hand. He pulled her arm and she cried out in pain. He immediately tended to her. "What, what's wrong?"
Bryn took her hand back and held it. "My hand. It's the one I... hit Ellie with. It still kinda hurts."
"Oh, sorry."
"Let's just get in there."
The gym was packed and the air was hot from everyone's constant breathing. Connor led her to the center of the dance floor and pulled her close, moving their bodies in sync with each other. Bryn held back a gag as his hand slipped down her back to the top of her bottom. She kept a close eye on the clock on the west facing wall and finally it came upon a quarter to nine.
They were slow dancing to a song Bryn hadn't heard of and she brought her lips in close to his ear and whispered, "Wanna get some air?"
Connor nodded and followed her out to the parking lot.
"Some party, huh?" he stated rather than asked.
"Do you have your car keys?"
Connor's eyes lit up, surprised. "Yeah."
"Let's go."
They sat down in the car, both staring forward, quietly, timidly. It was easy to pretend to seduce him with tons of bodies around her, even out in the open, but it was something about being closed in a car - the car - with him that made her shiver.
"Why were you and Ellie fighting anyways?"
"Some girl thing."
"What kind?" he persisted, taking the opportunity to show his sleuthlike abilities. He inched closer disguising it as readjusting himself.
"The kind where one is insanely jealous of the other."
"Oh-kay."
"Connor, there's something I've been wanting to ask you about, but I just never found the right time."
"Okay, shoot."
"Did you even love Jen at all?"
"Why do you ask?"
"I guess I just wanted to know."
"Because she was your best friend?"
"That... and also because she told me something before she died."
Connor tensed at her words but tried to remain aloof. "Like what?"
"She told me that you tried something with her. Is that true?"
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"You must know something."
"I can't honestly say that I do."
"I think you do," she said, looking at him knowingly.
He read her face clearly, but kept with his plea of innocence. "No, God no. I wouldn't do anything she didn't want. I loved her."
"But were you in love?"
"That's hard to say."
"Why so? I should think it would be easy to distinguish whether or not you were in love."
"I guess maybe then. You know how I feel about teenage love."
"But you said you love me."
"Yeah"
"Are you in love with me?"
"I think so."
"So you'll treat me like you did Jen?"
"What're you getting at?"
"If you were in love with her why did you hurt her?"
"Wha-what do you mean?" he asked, swallowing hard.
"You fucked her."
"Shut up."
"You raped her."
"Stop it."
"You got her pregnant and didn't think twice about it, didn't you?"
"No!"
"Didn't you?" she screamed.
"NO!"
"Liar!"
"Fine! You wanna know? I'll tell you. We did have sex but she wanted it too."
"Why was she crying? Why did she fight back?"
"How do you know?"
"That's what people do when they're being raped!"
"Stop fucking saying that!" Connor yelled, hitting his hands on the dash. He was falling right into her trap. But time was running out. It was almost already ten to nine and he hadn't attacked her yet. She needed something big.
"She killed herself because of you, you know."
"No she didn't."
"Yes she did. She took one pill for every minute she thought about killing herself when she was with you." Bryn's throat was dry and as she spoke, and every word stuck in it. She watched Connor brewing over the what she had just said, watched his grip tighten on the steering wheel. His jaw locked.
Bingo.
"It's true," she whispered, close to his ear, but as quickly as she had spoken, she was cut off. Connor held onto her throat with one hand and pushed her back into the seat. He switched hands so his right could undo his belt.
"You wanna fuckin' know what happened that night?"
Bryn gasped, clawing as best she could at his arm and face. She jerked violently back and forth as Connor grabbed a hold of her hand and bent the fingers back.
She reeled in pain and in falling to the side, hit Connor's uncovered eye.
I can't go through with this, not if it means being raped. I have to get out.
Bryn slid backwards to the door and fumbled to unlock it. Just as it seemed as if she had it, Connor grabbed her legs and pulled them around himself. He pushed her shoulders down and looked her in the face.
"She tried to fight back too, you were right."
He smacked his face into hers, kissing her hard. She moved her head back and forth but he held a suction on her mouth that she could not remove. Her first instinct was to spit.
Connor recoiled disgusted and sat up, then spit back in her face. He grabbed her wrists, moving her left hand to join the right and with his free hand, ripped the side of her dress open.
"Get off of me!" Bryn screamed, thrashing , noticing from the corner of her eye the clock which read 9:00. it relieved her, but as nobody came automatically to her rescue, she pursued her first effort to get the hell out of the car.
Connor slapped her, moving up high on his knees to do so. Saving the shock for later, Bryn acted in the moment. She brought her leg up quickly and slammed her foot as hard as she could between his legs.
As if having pressed a release button, Bryn's arms were free and she slid again to the door and pulled on the lock.
Connor's door jerked open and a set of hands reached in and pulled him out by his hair and an arm. Bryn got out of the car and peered over it as many things made their way into her vision.
First there was Ellie running down the parking lot, the bottom of her dress in her hands. She was yelling Lucas' name and looked confused as hell when she got to them.
The second was Lucas kicking something on the ground, and as she made her way around the car, she saw that the something was Connor. He was curled in the fetal position, still holding his groin.
Bryn caught her breath and held Lucas' shoulder to stop him.
"Bryn what the hell happened?" Ellie cried.
"Connor attacked me," she answered, pulling together the side of her dress.
Lucas shook his head and handed her his jacket. She put it on, watching him pacing angrily in front of them. Connor groaned from the ground.
"I'll kill him. I'll fucking kill him."
"No, Lucas. Calm down for a minute," Bryn said, again touching his shoulder.
"Don't tell me you love this clown!" he retorted.
"No. But he has to pay for it. He did this to Jen, but actually did it. I got lucky."
"Lucky? You were almost... No, I don't even want to think about this."
"Ellie, call the police," Bryn said, starting to shake. She felt her neck where Connor had held.
Ellie pulled out her cell and complied with her sister's request. Bryn moved close to Lucas and he hugged her.
"You were late, Lucas," she whispered, happy, safe.
"I couldn't get away from Ellie. Every time I went for punch or to the bathroom she thought I was sneaking out to see you."
"Thank you."
Lucas kissed her forehead and let her go. He stood over Connor.
"They'll be here soon," Ellie reported. She dialled a number and moved away from them to another car and talked for a minute or so.
Bryn wiped the spit from her face, as in the moment, she hadn't thought to.
Ellie appeared by her side and stuck the phone in her face. "It's mom."
Bryn took it. "Hey mom," she said, tearing up.
"Bryn, it's Will."
"Will?"
"Are you alright? He didn't touch you did he?"
"No. I managed to fight him off. Lucas got a few punches in too."
"I wish I was there to help you."
"It's okay."
"I love you."
"I love you too."
A patrol car pulled up and a policeman jumped out of the car.
"I have to go, the cops are here."
They disconnected.
The next morning, Bryn woke up to a far away conversation from the kitchen. Angelica, Ellie and Danny Currant were definitely there. The door squeaked open enough for a head to peek through. "Are you awake?" Ellie's voice cooed.
"Yeah." Bryn sat up, pushing the hair back from her face. Her sister came in and kneeled at her side.
"I'm sorry, Bryn."
"Don't be."
"No, I really am. I should've trusted you."
"I actually asked Lucas to meet me there."
"I know. He told me."
"You're not mad?"
"I should've realized before that no matter what guys come into my lief, you're here for good."
"You hate me don't you?"
"I did at first. But even though Lucas is a good guy, he isn't worth losing a sister over. Plus it's pretty hard to be mad at you after what happened."
"True."
"And sorry for ripping Jen's book. If I'd known, I wouldn't have been such a bitch."
"It's in the past."
Though Ellie smiled, Bryn could tell she had been crying.
"Are the cops here again?"
"Yeah," she answered sounding guilty. "They want to talk to you a little more about what happened."
"Okay."
"Ellie stood up and waled to the door. "I could tell them you need a little time to get changed," she offered.
"Thanks."
She opened the door and left it open for the next visitor as she left.
"Are you okay?" Will asked.
"You came back," she said, her heart beating fast.
"I know. Are you okay, though?"
"My throat hurts a little, but otherwise I'm fine."
"I'm so sorry for going. I was just really mad."
Bryn looked confusedly at him. "You didn't seem that mad."
"I didn't want to hurt you anymore than I have."
"You didn't hurt me that bad, Will. I'll be fine." She smiled.
"I have something for you." He looked through a backpack at the door. "I should've given it to you before, but I was just really upset. I didn't understand why it was addressed to you and not me." He stood and held a folded piece of paper out to her.
"What is it?"
"A suicide note."
She looked at him with weary eyes. "When did you find this?" Holding it in her hands, she saw the end to her struggle.
"When I was packing her things. It was in one of her drawers and I read it and couldn't understand why not me. Why it wasn't addressed to me."
Bryn unfolded it and read the few lines. She cried, taking in the words that Jen had wrote. She stood and wrapped her arms around Will.
"She's okay now," she whispered through her tears, and as the two of them stood in their embrace, dark clouds clapped together overhead and it rained.
Chapter 17
<|><|><|>
The last day Jen was alive was nothing like she thought it might be. All the times she had been asked "What would you do if you had one day to live?" she had given the typical answer.
"I would take a walk on the beach. I would watch the sunset. I would tell everyone I loved that I loved them."
Never once did she say, "I would go to school, then come home and watch TV." But that's what she did.
As the sunlight dimmed and night approached, Jen found herself in her bedroom staring at a bottle of pills.
One more day, she argued, to make a lasting impression. To tell off all the fuckers who got on my nerves.
"Nah, Bryn would know something's up and make an excuse to stay over."
Okay then, skip school tomorrow and do something exciting.
"There's nothing really to do."
Hitch hike to the city.
"I'm just finding a reason not to do this. But there are-"
She stopped talking and grabbed a sheet of paper and a pen. She started writing.
"Dear Bryn,
You've always been my friend but this was inevitable. For so long now I've wanted to tell you so many things, but I'm afraid of what you'd think of me. I thought that maybe you'd think I was weak or stupid, I don't know. I love you and I want you to know you were the reason I kept from doing this for so long. But now there is no way out and i can't be here anymore. Don't forget me, but life is meant for living, so keep living. Remember everything because when you hit this point, all you'll have is your memories. I really don't mean to hurt you, but in saving myself, there are casualties. There's not enough to anchor me anymore. Bye."
She read the last word and felt it too insignificant to use, too understated. It looked foreign and out of place.
Jen left it though, getting on with what she felt she had to do. Pouring the entire contents of the bottle into her hand, she looked at what was to take her to somewhere she could be happy. She took them one by one until her hand was empty, then laid down to bed, singing.
"If you fall will you get up
Stuck in a dream will you wake up
and if you fell in love would you hold onto it."
Will finished his shower and walked out of the humid bathroom. Bryn avoided him, waiting in the doorway of her bedroom. Once she was sure he was gone, she could focus.
I'm gonna make him wish he never touched her. She wiped an arc of steam from the mirror and breathed slowly. This was it.
She undressed and showered, scrubbing her skin pink, cleansing herself of all inhibitions. What she was about to do was for Jen, but it would be dangerous. If everyone acted as she supposed they would, Bryn figured that all the pieces would fall just as she wanted them.
The primping began. She blow dried her hair, then curled it and pulled it back with bobby pins and an oversized hair clip. She put on eyeshadow that sparkled when she moved her eyes, and liner to make them look bigger. She finished with a sheer lip gloss and deemed herself pretty damn good looking.
As she entered the bedroom, she noticed Ellie getting ready too. She smoothed the material of her dress over her stomach and hips.
"Looks nice," Bryn said, smiling apologetically.
"I don't care what you think."
"Fine."
"You're still going with Connor, right? I don't want Lucas to feel sorry for you and ask you to dance."
"I told you I don't even like him."
"Again, lies."
"You must be pretty insecure with yourself."
"Screw you."
"No, I'm serious. If you can't believe your boyfriend isn't cheating on you, you've got issues." Bryn could see her sister's cheeks burn.
"You're hair looks like shit by the way," Ellie said, pushing past her as she stormed to the bathroom.
Bryn closed the door, dropped the towel and clothed herself in the dress she had been waiting to wear all year.
"Why am I wasting it on Connor? Why can't I be going with someone like... Will?"
"Knock, knock," Will said, pushing the door open to peek his head in. "Hey."
"Oh, hey."
"You look nice."
"Thanks."
"Beautiful actually."
"Okay, um, what did you want?"
"Oh, right. Well I'm heading out now, so I just came to say goodbye... again."
Bryn was drawn to him. "Will you be back for Christmas break?"
"Won't you be at college somewhere?"
"I'm coming home for Christmas."
"I dunno."
"Okay."
"I'll call."
"You don't have to."
"No, really." He pushed his hand into his jeans pocket and pulled out a slip of paper. "Got a pen?"
"Will, you don't have-"
"Can you just let me do this?" he snapped, taking the pencil she held in her hand. "Now, here's the number where I'll be staying. And the address. Call. Or write. Or don't. It's up to you now," he continued, softening his tone. "So.. I'll hear from you maybe. If not, I'll know you're happy somewhere."
He handed Bryn the paper and leaned in, kissing the corner of her mouth, then turned and walked away.
Bryn's instinct was to follow him, to kiss him like she meant it, because she knew she would mean it, but she remained where she was, knowing there were bigger things she had to do.
She heard the front door close and his car drive away. She went back to her room and sat on the bed, clutching Jen's notebook in her arms. She didn't notice her sister come in.
"What's with that fucking notebook anyways? Is it your diary?"
Bryn forgot the words as quickly as she heard them and continued to stare at nothing.
Ellie walked toward her. "Seriously. What's your problem."
"Leave me alone Ellie," she said, morose.
"Why should I do what you say? You didn't stop with Lucas-"
"I never did anything!" Bryn screamed, looking at her now enraged sister. "Lucas and I were never even within close enough distance of each other to kiss or anything else. Why don't you just believe me?"
"What about that night you and mom had that fight and you spent the night with Will? He said you kissed him then."
Damn.
"He's lying," Bryn answered automatically.
"I think you're lying."
"I can't believe we keep having this fight, Ellie. I mean, shit! I've said the same thing like a hundred times and you keep insisting I'm the one to blame."
"Gimme that then," Ellie said, nodding at the notebook
"No."
"Why not?"
"Because it's not yours."
"Or is it because it's your journal and you wrote about Lucas in there?"
"That's ridiculous." Bryn said, but before she could finish 'ridiculous,' Ellie had snatched it from her hands and jumped away.
"Fuck you Ellie, give it back!"
"After I find the point about you and Lucas." Ellie jumped and dodged to avoid her sister as she whipped each page out of the way of the next, looking for her boyfriend's name.
Bryn managed to get a hold of the book and held on tight. "Let go!" she yelled.
"You let go!"
"It's my fucking book!"
"Yeah, that you wrote-"
The sound of paper ripping froze the two girls and for a moment, nobody moved, reviewing what had happened. Ellie's face turned particularly nasty and she had three or four of the handwritten pages.
"Keep 'em," she said in the most horrid way possible, and tore the sheets in half and in half again.
Bryn watched, absolutely horrified as, like snowflakes, the pieces sprinkled to the ground. She dropped the book and punched her sister square in the nose, screaming, "That was Jen's book you fucking bitch!"
Ellie fell backwards, nose bleeding as Bryn dropped her offense and dove for the shreds of precious paper she'd kept sacred all this time.
Ellie was crying, and as their mother entered the room yelling ("What's going on?"), Ellie coughed up some blood that had dripped into the back of her throat.
"What the hell did you do?"
Bryn was in a daze. The others in the room became fuzzy and sounds became dull and as much as she felt like crying, she couldn't. She heaved, wanting to throw up, but fell forward onto the floor as her sister screamed about her nose being broken.
On the couch forty minutes later, Bryn woke up. Above her, she could see her mother, Connor and Lucas.
"She's awake, thank God," Angelica said, getting up.
"Too bad," Ellie replied from the kitchen, a face cloth damp with blood and water pressed to her nose.
"You can take that off your face, Ellie. Your nose stopped bleeding ten minutes ago."
"Do you think we can still go to the dance, Mrs. Halleson?" Lucas asked intrepidly, looking sharply from Ellie to Bryn.
"I don't know. I'm not sure either of my daughters really deserve to go." Angelica paced the length of the couch.
"We got all dressed up, Mom. It's not fair," Ellie whined.
Her mother cocked her head in thought. "What do you suppose I do, Ellie?"
"Make Bryn stay home. I didn't even do anything!"
"Liar," Bryn said, sitting up slowly. She pushed the heels of her palms into her temples. Her entire head pulsed.
"I don't care who started it. From what I saw, both of you deserve to be punished."
"But I have to go," Bryn said abruptly. Her mother looked at her. "I mean... this is the last big dance before I graduate."
"What about prom?" Ellie mumbled to herself.
"That's actually after prom, Ellie," Lucas chimed. The look she returned was red hot. He backed off.
Angelica tapped her foot. "I've decided to let you go-"
Everyone but Bryn cheered.
"But," Angelica continued, "you both have to be home by eleven. Tomorrow we can sort out the punishments for you two."
"Eleven?" Ellie asked. "How 'bout midnight?"
"How about ten thirty?"
"But the really good songs don't get played until after midnight."
"Ten."
"What? No!"
"You want to keep talking, you're gonna owe me time. Now go before I change my mind."
Ellie and Lucas left first, though she had to wash her face again to clean the blood off and redo her makeup. Bryn and Connor followed.
"So other than the sister beating and passing out, how was your day?" Connor asked, turning to her from time to time as they drove to the school
"Will left."
"I never really liked him. I mean, he never approved of me. Almost got Jen to break up with me once."
"Oh."
"Yeah. But that was a long time ago."
"I know."
The dance had started and the student parking was almost full. Lucas found a spot near the doors (by fluke of course, a girl was sick with food allergies and had to be rushed to the hospital and the people who took her left a vacant spot) and Connor parked in the place farthest from Lucas.\
Shit. I wonder if Lucas knows where we parked.
"Come on," Conner said, opening the door, holding out his hand. He pulled her arm and she cried out in pain. He immediately tended to her. "What, what's wrong?"
Bryn took her hand back and held it. "My hand. It's the one I... hit Ellie with. It still kinda hurts."
"Oh, sorry."
"Let's just get in there."
The gym was packed and the air was hot from everyone's constant breathing. Connor led her to the center of the dance floor and pulled her close, moving their bodies in sync with each other. Bryn held back a gag as his hand slipped down her back to the top of her bottom. She kept a close eye on the clock on the west facing wall and finally it came upon a quarter to nine.
They were slow dancing to a song Bryn hadn't heard of and she brought her lips in close to his ear and whispered, "Wanna get some air?"
Connor nodded and followed her out to the parking lot.
"Some party, huh?" he stated rather than asked.
"Do you have your car keys?"
Connor's eyes lit up, surprised. "Yeah."
"Let's go."
They sat down in the car, both staring forward, quietly, timidly. It was easy to pretend to seduce him with tons of bodies around her, even out in the open, but it was something about being closed in a car - the car - with him that made her shiver.
"Why were you and Ellie fighting anyways?"
"Some girl thing."
"What kind?" he persisted, taking the opportunity to show his sleuthlike abilities. He inched closer disguising it as readjusting himself.
"The kind where one is insanely jealous of the other."
"Oh-kay."
"Connor, there's something I've been wanting to ask you about, but I just never found the right time."
"Okay, shoot."
"Did you even love Jen at all?"
"Why do you ask?"
"I guess I just wanted to know."
"Because she was your best friend?"
"That... and also because she told me something before she died."
Connor tensed at her words but tried to remain aloof. "Like what?"
"She told me that you tried something with her. Is that true?"
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"You must know something."
"I can't honestly say that I do."
"I think you do," she said, looking at him knowingly.
He read her face clearly, but kept with his plea of innocence. "No, God no. I wouldn't do anything she didn't want. I loved her."
"But were you in love?"
"That's hard to say."
"Why so? I should think it would be easy to distinguish whether or not you were in love."
"I guess maybe then. You know how I feel about teenage love."
"But you said you love me."
"Yeah"
"Are you in love with me?"
"I think so."
"So you'll treat me like you did Jen?"
"What're you getting at?"
"If you were in love with her why did you hurt her?"
"Wha-what do you mean?" he asked, swallowing hard.
"You fucked her."
"Shut up."
"You raped her."
"Stop it."
"You got her pregnant and didn't think twice about it, didn't you?"
"No!"
"Didn't you?" she screamed.
"NO!"
"Liar!"
"Fine! You wanna know? I'll tell you. We did have sex but she wanted it too."
"Why was she crying? Why did she fight back?"
"How do you know?"
"That's what people do when they're being raped!"
"Stop fucking saying that!" Connor yelled, hitting his hands on the dash. He was falling right into her trap. But time was running out. It was almost already ten to nine and he hadn't attacked her yet. She needed something big.
"She killed herself because of you, you know."
"No she didn't."
"Yes she did. She took one pill for every minute she thought about killing herself when she was with you." Bryn's throat was dry and as she spoke, and every word stuck in it. She watched Connor brewing over the what she had just said, watched his grip tighten on the steering wheel. His jaw locked.
Bingo.
"It's true," she whispered, close to his ear, but as quickly as she had spoken, she was cut off. Connor held onto her throat with one hand and pushed her back into the seat. He switched hands so his right could undo his belt.
"You wanna fuckin' know what happened that night?"
Bryn gasped, clawing as best she could at his arm and face. She jerked violently back and forth as Connor grabbed a hold of her hand and bent the fingers back.
She reeled in pain and in falling to the side, hit Connor's uncovered eye.
I can't go through with this, not if it means being raped. I have to get out.
Bryn slid backwards to the door and fumbled to unlock it. Just as it seemed as if she had it, Connor grabbed her legs and pulled them around himself. He pushed her shoulders down and looked her in the face.
"She tried to fight back too, you were right."
He smacked his face into hers, kissing her hard. She moved her head back and forth but he held a suction on her mouth that she could not remove. Her first instinct was to spit.
Connor recoiled disgusted and sat up, then spit back in her face. He grabbed her wrists, moving her left hand to join the right and with his free hand, ripped the side of her dress open.
"Get off of me!" Bryn screamed, thrashing , noticing from the corner of her eye the clock which read 9:00. it relieved her, but as nobody came automatically to her rescue, she pursued her first effort to get the hell out of the car.
Connor slapped her, moving up high on his knees to do so. Saving the shock for later, Bryn acted in the moment. She brought her leg up quickly and slammed her foot as hard as she could between his legs.
As if having pressed a release button, Bryn's arms were free and she slid again to the door and pulled on the lock.
Connor's door jerked open and a set of hands reached in and pulled him out by his hair and an arm. Bryn got out of the car and peered over it as many things made their way into her vision.
First there was Ellie running down the parking lot, the bottom of her dress in her hands. She was yelling Lucas' name and looked confused as hell when she got to them.
The second was Lucas kicking something on the ground, and as she made her way around the car, she saw that the something was Connor. He was curled in the fetal position, still holding his groin.
Bryn caught her breath and held Lucas' shoulder to stop him.
"Bryn what the hell happened?" Ellie cried.
"Connor attacked me," she answered, pulling together the side of her dress.
Lucas shook his head and handed her his jacket. She put it on, watching him pacing angrily in front of them. Connor groaned from the ground.
"I'll kill him. I'll fucking kill him."
"No, Lucas. Calm down for a minute," Bryn said, again touching his shoulder.
"Don't tell me you love this clown!" he retorted.
"No. But he has to pay for it. He did this to Jen, but actually did it. I got lucky."
"Lucky? You were almost... No, I don't even want to think about this."
"Ellie, call the police," Bryn said, starting to shake. She felt her neck where Connor had held.
Ellie pulled out her cell and complied with her sister's request. Bryn moved close to Lucas and he hugged her.
"You were late, Lucas," she whispered, happy, safe.
"I couldn't get away from Ellie. Every time I went for punch or to the bathroom she thought I was sneaking out to see you."
"Thank you."
Lucas kissed her forehead and let her go. He stood over Connor.
"They'll be here soon," Ellie reported. She dialled a number and moved away from them to another car and talked for a minute or so.
Bryn wiped the spit from her face, as in the moment, she hadn't thought to.
Ellie appeared by her side and stuck the phone in her face. "It's mom."
Bryn took it. "Hey mom," she said, tearing up.
"Bryn, it's Will."
"Will?"
"Are you alright? He didn't touch you did he?"
"No. I managed to fight him off. Lucas got a few punches in too."
"I wish I was there to help you."
"It's okay."
"I love you."
"I love you too."
A patrol car pulled up and a policeman jumped out of the car.
"I have to go, the cops are here."
They disconnected.
The next morning, Bryn woke up to a far away conversation from the kitchen. Angelica, Ellie and Danny Currant were definitely there. The door squeaked open enough for a head to peek through. "Are you awake?" Ellie's voice cooed.
"Yeah." Bryn sat up, pushing the hair back from her face. Her sister came in and kneeled at her side.
"I'm sorry, Bryn."
"Don't be."
"No, I really am. I should've trusted you."
"I actually asked Lucas to meet me there."
"I know. He told me."
"You're not mad?"
"I should've realized before that no matter what guys come into my lief, you're here for good."
"You hate me don't you?"
"I did at first. But even though Lucas is a good guy, he isn't worth losing a sister over. Plus it's pretty hard to be mad at you after what happened."
"True."
"And sorry for ripping Jen's book. If I'd known, I wouldn't have been such a bitch."
"It's in the past."
Though Ellie smiled, Bryn could tell she had been crying.
"Are the cops here again?"
"Yeah," she answered sounding guilty. "They want to talk to you a little more about what happened."
"Okay."
"Ellie stood up and waled to the door. "I could tell them you need a little time to get changed," she offered.
"Thanks."
She opened the door and left it open for the next visitor as she left.
"Are you okay?" Will asked.
"You came back," she said, her heart beating fast.
"I know. Are you okay, though?"
"My throat hurts a little, but otherwise I'm fine."
"I'm so sorry for going. I was just really mad."
Bryn looked confusedly at him. "You didn't seem that mad."
"I didn't want to hurt you anymore than I have."
"You didn't hurt me that bad, Will. I'll be fine." She smiled.
"I have something for you." He looked through a backpack at the door. "I should've given it to you before, but I was just really upset. I didn't understand why it was addressed to you and not me." He stood and held a folded piece of paper out to her.
"What is it?"
"A suicide note."
She looked at him with weary eyes. "When did you find this?" Holding it in her hands, she saw the end to her struggle.
"When I was packing her things. It was in one of her drawers and I read it and couldn't understand why not me. Why it wasn't addressed to me."
Bryn unfolded it and read the few lines. She cried, taking in the words that Jen had wrote. She stood and wrapped her arms around Will.
"She's okay now," she whispered through her tears, and as the two of them stood in their embrace, dark clouds clapped together overhead and it rained.
Chapter 17
<|><|><|>
The last day Jen was alive was nothing like she thought it might be. All the times she had been asked "What would you do if you had one day to live?" she had given the typical answer.
"I would take a walk on the beach. I would watch the sunset. I would tell everyone I loved that I loved them."
Never once did she say, "I would go to school, then come home and watch TV." But that's what she did.
As the sunlight dimmed and night approached, Jen found herself in her bedroom staring at a bottle of pills.
One more day, she argued, to make a lasting impression. To tell off all the fuckers who got on my nerves.
"Nah, Bryn would know something's up and make an excuse to stay over."
Okay then, skip school tomorrow and do something exciting.
"There's nothing really to do."
Hitch hike to the city.
"I'm just finding a reason not to do this. But there are-"
She stopped talking and grabbed a sheet of paper and a pen. She started writing.
"Dear Bryn,
You've always been my friend but this was inevitable. For so long now I've wanted to tell you so many things, but I'm afraid of what you'd think of me. I thought that maybe you'd think I was weak or stupid, I don't know. I love you and I want you to know you were the reason I kept from doing this for so long. But now there is no way out and i can't be here anymore. Don't forget me, but life is meant for living, so keep living. Remember everything because when you hit this point, all you'll have is your memories. I really don't mean to hurt you, but in saving myself, there are casualties. There's not enough to anchor me anymore. Bye."
She read the last word and felt it too insignificant to use, too understated. It looked foreign and out of place.
Jen left it though, getting on with what she felt she had to do. Pouring the entire contents of the bottle into her hand, she looked at what was to take her to somewhere she could be happy. She took them one by one until her hand was empty, then laid down to bed, singing.
"If you fall will you get up
Stuck in a dream will you wake up
and if you fell in love would you hold onto it."
Monday, February 26, 2007
And Now I've Travelled Across the Ocean
So I am very close to being done my novella type-up. I am figuring that there is still a lot left to do, including many new parts and merciless revision of what I have already written.
In other news, KC was sick today and I was alone most classes. It was actually okay. I got to show off my new fake lip ring which I'm passing off as a real one. For some reason I felt kind of safe. Maybe it's the ring and the hair. Who knows.
I can't wait until the weekend if I go home this weekend. I want to scare my mother. I wonder what she'll say. Probably be pissed. I know Laura'll be pretty mad since she's not allowed to have anything pierced until she turns eighteen (or for a year, I can't remember which).
The stupid cat Whitey is trying to get me to pet her, but I'm not going to. I hate you, Whitey, just so ya know. HATE. Dumb cat.
I'm feeling pretty good, considering yesterday my legs hurt so very much from walking around West Ed yesterday all day. I took two Tylenol and that helped with the pain (which wasn't really a hurting pain but a dull annoying pain) but I had to actually take them, which as we all remember is something I don't like doing since my major setback in the mental coping with my problems department. I think it is the outer coating (which tastes really weird by the way) that makes me sick, which would make sense seeing as I tasted it while knocking them back and barfing them up. It is one of those things that you don't forget, and I find it funny that I haven't forgotten the taste of the suicide pills.
In other news, KC was sick today and I was alone most classes. It was actually okay. I got to show off my new fake lip ring which I'm passing off as a real one. For some reason I felt kind of safe. Maybe it's the ring and the hair. Who knows.
I can't wait until the weekend if I go home this weekend. I want to scare my mother. I wonder what she'll say. Probably be pissed. I know Laura'll be pretty mad since she's not allowed to have anything pierced until she turns eighteen (or for a year, I can't remember which).
The stupid cat Whitey is trying to get me to pet her, but I'm not going to. I hate you, Whitey, just so ya know. HATE. Dumb cat.
I'm feeling pretty good, considering yesterday my legs hurt so very much from walking around West Ed yesterday all day. I took two Tylenol and that helped with the pain (which wasn't really a hurting pain but a dull annoying pain) but I had to actually take them, which as we all remember is something I don't like doing since my major setback in the mental coping with my problems department. I think it is the outer coating (which tastes really weird by the way) that makes me sick, which would make sense seeing as I tasted it while knocking them back and barfing them up. It is one of those things that you don't forget, and I find it funny that I haven't forgotten the taste of the suicide pills.
Just Flowers Chapter 15
Bryn finished reading and almost dropped the book from her hands.
"Jesus Christ," she whispered. "He raped her?"
She flipped back to reread and make certain she had come to the right understanding.
"Then he pushed me down and did it. I couldn't believe what was going on until it was too late to actually stop it. I want him to die so much. I think I might do it. I can't wait for him to try something like he said he would so I can fucking ruin him right there. FUCK!!!! I don't believe that I'm one of those girls. The dumb bitches who aren't smart enough to know when their boyfriend's a skeeze. Dammit! Fuck fuck fuck. I can't believe I fell for it, all "Oh I love you Jen, you're beautiful. Here's fucking necklace because I love you so much." It was all just a fucking excuse to stick his goddamn tongue down my throat. SHIT. I should've seen it all coming. God, why am I so STUPID?!!!"
Bryn put the book down and left for the bathroom. She was a bit nauseous and tears were making their way to freedom. She heaved a few times over the toilet, then actually threw up.
When she rose, here eyes were damp with tears and her ears were ringing. She flushed the toilet then splashed cold water onto her face.
"Asshole. Goddamn him!" she yelled.
Her mother's head peeked through the open door. "You okay?"
"Yeah, uh, I think I'm just a little sick."
"Do you think you'll be able to make it to the dance tomorrow?"
"Uh, I don't-" She stopped as a splinter of an idea lodged itself into her mind. "I'll probably be better by then."
"Good."
Bryn went back to her room to her closet and touched the silky dress she picked out to wear. She ran her hand down the fluted skirt and tried to figure out how her plan would work.
"We'd go. Yes. Definitely. Then he'd- yes. Probably anyways. And then- perfect. I'd catch him and then he wouldn't be able to deny anything. But I'm gonna need some help. Hmmm. But who?" She tapped her chin with her index finger as she thought. Once the person came to mind, she exclaimed, "Aha!" then laughed at herself for doing so. "Yeah. Everything's gonna work out just perfectly if I play it right."
Bryn imagined many scenarios, all ending with Connor's condemnation. She set the book aside on her desk, carefully as if it were to delicate to treat merely as a book, and got into bed. She laid there for a long time before being coaxed to sleep by two very heavy eyelids.
"It's all for you Jen," she murmured as she drifted off to dreamland.
The next morning, after a long night of tossing, turning and wondering whether or not to just get up and stay up, Bryn hit the snooze on her alarm clock and rolled back over for another ten minutes of sleep. When the dreaded sound made itself heard a second time, she got up for good and went to the bathroom to brush her teeth.
Angelica had been cooking downstairs, pancakes with bacon and the option for eggs the only way she knew how to make them: scrambled. Bryn took a few strips of bacon from the plate and pushed two slices of bread into the toaster. "Morning," she offered, leaning on the counter as she waited for her breakfast.
"I noticed Will's sleeping on the couch."
"He got kicked out."
"I know. His father called."
"Did you tell him Will was here?"
Angelica picked up the spatula and flipped a pancake. "Yes."
"Why?"
"What was I supposed to do, Bryn? Lie? I'm not a child. I have nothing to hide."
Her daughter exhaled loudly, picking her toast from the toaster and assembling a sandwich with the bacon. "You could've lied. Did you ever think that maybe he had a reason for leaving?"
"Fine. You win. I've given up fighting with you."
Bryn rolled her eyes and took a bite of her sandwich.
"Is this still about before, Mom, 'cause I already told you why I was mad. Now it just seems like you're trying to start a confrontation."
"If I am I don't mean to. I just want us to be like we were when your dad was alive."
"I don't know if that'll happen."
They were silent. Ellie came in. Making as much noise as she could without talking, she pulled a plate from the cupboard, slamming it on the counter, put three pancakes, a handful of bacon and a pile of eggs on it and took a fork from the cutlery drawer. She sat down at the table and shovelled the food in.
"Something wrong?" Bryn asked, watching her fold bacon and eggs into a pancake and eat it.
"It's your fault," Ellie answered, blowing chewed pancake and egg particles past her plate. "All your fault."
"How is this my fault?"
Ellie looked at her mother. Angelica raised her eyebrows and put her hands up as to say she knew nothing. Ellie jutted her head out asking her without actually asking her to leave. She picked up her coffee and left.
I'm alone with the beast.
"You," Ellie, whispered loudly, "made Lucas break up with me. He said I was too jealous. What does that even mean? I'm not even jealous. I'm pissed the hell off. But definitely not jealous."
Bryn sighed. "I didn't tell Lucas to do anything. If he broke up with you I had no part in it."
"Now I don't even get to go to the spring formal. I went on and on about it at school that I was the only person in grade eleven who was going and now I don't even get to go. Thanks a fuckin' lot." She picked up her plate and stomped to their room.
Bryn finished her breakfast trying and easily succeeding in leaving her sister's troubles out of her mind. There were things to be done.
She picked up the phone in the living room but before dialling, she held the receiver up to her ear and listened for a moment to the tone. It was comforting, somehow, and she breathed slowly as the words she was about to speak swam through her mind. She dialled the number.
"Hello?"
"Oh hi. Can I please speak to Lucas?"
"Hold on."
Bryn could hear the woman call her son from her end.
"Ellie?" he answered to anxiously.
"Uh, no. It's Bryn."
"Bryn? What, uh, what's up?"
"I wanted to talk to you. It's really important."
"Is this about Ellie, because she said she would say some things about me that weren't true."
"Not now. I have to tell you something. And ask you something too, I guess."
"Okay," he said cautiously.
"You're still going to the dance," she said, looking over her shoulder, suddenly paranoid.
"I don't think so, I mean after Ellie broke up with me I kinda feel crappy. I don't think a dance would help me out at all."
"What if I said I wanted to meet you there?"
She heard him hold his breath from the other side. "Why?"
"I know I don't deserve it, but I just... want a chance to... show you how I feel. I just want to meet you okay?"
"So you want to go with me?"
"Not exactly. I'm still kind of going with Connor. I just want to meet you there. There's a good reason, and I know you'd be happier if you did."
Lucas didn't answer.
"Hello?" she called into the phone.
"Yeah, sorry. I'm surprised, is all. I really don't get women."
"That's the beauty of it."
He laughed. "Okay, so we'll meet at the dance, but who am I going with?"
"That's another thing. I think you should get back with Ellie."
"What?"
"I know it sounds really strange, but I know it'll make her happy. And me. It'll make me happy too."
"But you just said-"
"Just trust me. Ellie's upstairs, so you can talk to her in a sec, but please, Lucas will you do this for me?"
He breathed, considering it and finally agreed.
"So meet me at Connor's car at nine sharp? And I just want you to know I was scared too. I still am."
She could hear Lucas' smile in his voice. "Good to know I'm not alone."
"I'll get Ellie."
Once the two had connected on the phone, Bryn let them have their privacy. She knew Ellie and knew Lucas' power of persuasion. He would go to the dance and Ellie would stop eating. All would be restored.
Sitting in the dark on the love seat adjacent to the couch where Will slept, Bryn felt her stomach jump to her throat.
What I'm about to do could either right a wrong... or fuck me up for the rest of my life.
As she was about to leave, Will stirred on the couch.
"Good morning," he said, wiping the sleep from his eyes.
"How'd you sleep?"
"Oh now all of the sudden you care about my well being," he teased.
"I could've shaved your eyebrows off while you slept but I chose not to. I think that shows incredible maturity."
"Who was that on the phone?"
"My... aunt."
"I thought I heard you say 'Lucas.'"
"You were listening?"
"You were talking loud."
"Why'd you ask then, weirdo?"
"I dunno. I just wanted you to admit that 'you were scared.'" Scared of what exactly?"
The death penalty when you go missing."
"And that's my cue to stop."
They looked at one another for a moment, then Will broke the quiet. "I should take a shower. I wanna be nice and clean before I get on the bus."
"Bus to where?"
"Calgary."
"You're going back already?"
"It's been a long time. Anyways, school's starting again eventually and I have to get a job and make some money."
"For?"
"Living. Eating. My dad's not paying for anything but tuition this year. Or until I talk to my mother at least. But that'll probably be a long time from now, so..."
"Hmmm."
"Right." He stood and started towards the bathroom.
"Will?"
"Yeah."
"I love you too."
"I know."
They smiled awkwardly then Bryn looked to the floor, her heart breaking. She moved to him, lip trembling, ready to cry, holding back as best she could.
"I just wanted you to know, you know. Before you go back and meet another girl and forget how you loved me."
"I won't forget."
"I was really disappointed when things didn't work out, Will, and now I know why."
"It's hard the first time and every other time after. You just have to-"
"No, it's not that. Well not all that. Just, whenever I look at you, it almost feels like I'm looking at a part of Jen. When you smile, it's like she's smiling and when you laugh it's like she's laughing too. I guess we were doomed from the start, huh, with a mentality like that. And when you said you weren't in love with me, I was broken-"
"Bryn," he sighed.
"No, let me finish. I need to say it. When you said it, I was broken, but I was relieved. I wanted so much for it to work out that I would have my piece of Jen. It's not the notebook or pictures that were enough. You were real. A tangible memory. I think I used you, Will, to try to evoke some memories to keep her alive. But I do love you. I loved the time we were with one another, and I love you."
"I really don't know what to say."
"Then let's just leave it with goodbye."
"Goodbye." He leaned in, and just as everything she had said hit her, Will kissed her cheek and lingered a moment.
She looked at him one more time. She would remember him, she knew. Forever and ever.
They parted, Will to the shower, Bryn to her room.
As she closed the door, Bryn could hear the rumbling pipes as water started through them to the shower head. She sat on her bed, both full and empty, happy and sad.
<|><|><|>
May 15
Connor had just called and Jen had answered without checking the call display. The moment she heard his voice, she hung up.
Her heart was beating so fast she was afraid she might pass out. She pushed the hair out of her face and picked up the phone to call Bryn.
Angelica answered.
"Sorry Jen, Bryn's not here."
"Oh, okay."
"You know, we miss you around here. We hardly see you anymore."
"I know. It sucks."
Pause.
"Well, I'll tell Bryn you called."
"Thank you."
"See you then. Maybe you and your dad would like to come over for dinner sometime this week?"
"I'll bring it up."
"Goodbye."
Jen twisted her face in the mirror and tapped the phone against her knee.
"Cellphone, maybe," she said. She dialled.
One ring. Two. Three. Voice mail.
"Where the hell are you Bryn?" Jen asked the room, dropping the phone back in its spot. She walked around her room, then on a whim, decided to take a walk.
Why does the world seem so happy when I'm so miserable?
She tightened her jacket around her body as a gust of wind blew in her direction.
Why do I even bother?
Jen touched her stomach and bit her lip nervously in response.
Up ahead, a teenage girl was walking in Jen's direction. Jen moved to the right side of the sidewalk, turning herself away. She felt the girl could see what happened; as if Connor had left a mark on her spirit that others could see.
She began to tear up.
"Jen?"
She looked up. "Oh, hey. I tried calling you but your mom said you were out."
Bryn scoffed. "I'm surprised she was oriented enough to know the phone was ringing."
"Sounded sober to me."
"Doubt it. Anyways... what did you call about?"
"Oh, I-" It was harder than she thought it would be to tell someone. It was a lot harder to tell her best friend.
"Sorry, but I'm just on my way home. I know I sound like such a bitch right now but I just have to be home near my bed. I fucking hate Chris."
"Okay." The disappointment in Jen's voice was masked by momentary relief.
"Did I tell you what the asshole said to me?"
"No."
"He said we need some space. As if he's gonna break up with me, right? Do you believe that bullshit?"
"No."
Bryn kept talking, having forgotten that she wanted to be at home. They walked the opposite way Jen had come and soon they were in front of her house.
"Do you have a minute?" Jen asked, interrupting. There was a tinge of urgency in her voice, undetected by her friend.
"I kinda feel like crap. I think I'm gonna go to bed."
Jen lowered her head and cleaned her finger nails with the teeth of the zipper on her jacket. "Okay."
"Well if it's really important, can you just tell me now? Quickly?"
"It's not the kind of thing that comes out quickly. It's kinda big."
"Well then tomorrow at school. Look, I gotta go. My head's killing me."
"Fine."
"Bye."
"Yeah."
Jen watched as Bryn walked away guiltless. Why did she want to leave so fast? What the hell can possibly be more important than her best friend? God, why does everything have to be so hard? If I would have just broken up with him when I wanted to, I wouldn't have this problem.
"Or this one," Jen said to herself, again touching the bump of her stomach that had lately become more noticeable.
She sighed.
"What am I going to do?"
<|><|><|>
"Jesus Christ," she whispered. "He raped her?"
She flipped back to reread and make certain she had come to the right understanding.
"Then he pushed me down and did it. I couldn't believe what was going on until it was too late to actually stop it. I want him to die so much. I think I might do it. I can't wait for him to try something like he said he would so I can fucking ruin him right there. FUCK!!!! I don't believe that I'm one of those girls. The dumb bitches who aren't smart enough to know when their boyfriend's a skeeze. Dammit! Fuck fuck fuck. I can't believe I fell for it, all "Oh I love you Jen, you're beautiful. Here's fucking necklace because I love you so much." It was all just a fucking excuse to stick his goddamn tongue down my throat. SHIT. I should've seen it all coming. God, why am I so STUPID?!!!"
Bryn put the book down and left for the bathroom. She was a bit nauseous and tears were making their way to freedom. She heaved a few times over the toilet, then actually threw up.
When she rose, here eyes were damp with tears and her ears were ringing. She flushed the toilet then splashed cold water onto her face.
"Asshole. Goddamn him!" she yelled.
Her mother's head peeked through the open door. "You okay?"
"Yeah, uh, I think I'm just a little sick."
"Do you think you'll be able to make it to the dance tomorrow?"
"Uh, I don't-" She stopped as a splinter of an idea lodged itself into her mind. "I'll probably be better by then."
"Good."
Bryn went back to her room to her closet and touched the silky dress she picked out to wear. She ran her hand down the fluted skirt and tried to figure out how her plan would work.
"We'd go. Yes. Definitely. Then he'd- yes. Probably anyways. And then- perfect. I'd catch him and then he wouldn't be able to deny anything. But I'm gonna need some help. Hmmm. But who?" She tapped her chin with her index finger as she thought. Once the person came to mind, she exclaimed, "Aha!" then laughed at herself for doing so. "Yeah. Everything's gonna work out just perfectly if I play it right."
Bryn imagined many scenarios, all ending with Connor's condemnation. She set the book aside on her desk, carefully as if it were to delicate to treat merely as a book, and got into bed. She laid there for a long time before being coaxed to sleep by two very heavy eyelids.
"It's all for you Jen," she murmured as she drifted off to dreamland.
The next morning, after a long night of tossing, turning and wondering whether or not to just get up and stay up, Bryn hit the snooze on her alarm clock and rolled back over for another ten minutes of sleep. When the dreaded sound made itself heard a second time, she got up for good and went to the bathroom to brush her teeth.
Angelica had been cooking downstairs, pancakes with bacon and the option for eggs the only way she knew how to make them: scrambled. Bryn took a few strips of bacon from the plate and pushed two slices of bread into the toaster. "Morning," she offered, leaning on the counter as she waited for her breakfast.
"I noticed Will's sleeping on the couch."
"He got kicked out."
"I know. His father called."
"Did you tell him Will was here?"
Angelica picked up the spatula and flipped a pancake. "Yes."
"Why?"
"What was I supposed to do, Bryn? Lie? I'm not a child. I have nothing to hide."
Her daughter exhaled loudly, picking her toast from the toaster and assembling a sandwich with the bacon. "You could've lied. Did you ever think that maybe he had a reason for leaving?"
"Fine. You win. I've given up fighting with you."
Bryn rolled her eyes and took a bite of her sandwich.
"Is this still about before, Mom, 'cause I already told you why I was mad. Now it just seems like you're trying to start a confrontation."
"If I am I don't mean to. I just want us to be like we were when your dad was alive."
"I don't know if that'll happen."
They were silent. Ellie came in. Making as much noise as she could without talking, she pulled a plate from the cupboard, slamming it on the counter, put three pancakes, a handful of bacon and a pile of eggs on it and took a fork from the cutlery drawer. She sat down at the table and shovelled the food in.
"Something wrong?" Bryn asked, watching her fold bacon and eggs into a pancake and eat it.
"It's your fault," Ellie answered, blowing chewed pancake and egg particles past her plate. "All your fault."
"How is this my fault?"
Ellie looked at her mother. Angelica raised her eyebrows and put her hands up as to say she knew nothing. Ellie jutted her head out asking her without actually asking her to leave. She picked up her coffee and left.
I'm alone with the beast.
"You," Ellie, whispered loudly, "made Lucas break up with me. He said I was too jealous. What does that even mean? I'm not even jealous. I'm pissed the hell off. But definitely not jealous."
Bryn sighed. "I didn't tell Lucas to do anything. If he broke up with you I had no part in it."
"Now I don't even get to go to the spring formal. I went on and on about it at school that I was the only person in grade eleven who was going and now I don't even get to go. Thanks a fuckin' lot." She picked up her plate and stomped to their room.
Bryn finished her breakfast trying and easily succeeding in leaving her sister's troubles out of her mind. There were things to be done.
She picked up the phone in the living room but before dialling, she held the receiver up to her ear and listened for a moment to the tone. It was comforting, somehow, and she breathed slowly as the words she was about to speak swam through her mind. She dialled the number.
"Hello?"
"Oh hi. Can I please speak to Lucas?"
"Hold on."
Bryn could hear the woman call her son from her end.
"Ellie?" he answered to anxiously.
"Uh, no. It's Bryn."
"Bryn? What, uh, what's up?"
"I wanted to talk to you. It's really important."
"Is this about Ellie, because she said she would say some things about me that weren't true."
"Not now. I have to tell you something. And ask you something too, I guess."
"Okay," he said cautiously.
"You're still going to the dance," she said, looking over her shoulder, suddenly paranoid.
"I don't think so, I mean after Ellie broke up with me I kinda feel crappy. I don't think a dance would help me out at all."
"What if I said I wanted to meet you there?"
She heard him hold his breath from the other side. "Why?"
"I know I don't deserve it, but I just... want a chance to... show you how I feel. I just want to meet you okay?"
"So you want to go with me?"
"Not exactly. I'm still kind of going with Connor. I just want to meet you there. There's a good reason, and I know you'd be happier if you did."
Lucas didn't answer.
"Hello?" she called into the phone.
"Yeah, sorry. I'm surprised, is all. I really don't get women."
"That's the beauty of it."
He laughed. "Okay, so we'll meet at the dance, but who am I going with?"
"That's another thing. I think you should get back with Ellie."
"What?"
"I know it sounds really strange, but I know it'll make her happy. And me. It'll make me happy too."
"But you just said-"
"Just trust me. Ellie's upstairs, so you can talk to her in a sec, but please, Lucas will you do this for me?"
He breathed, considering it and finally agreed.
"So meet me at Connor's car at nine sharp? And I just want you to know I was scared too. I still am."
She could hear Lucas' smile in his voice. "Good to know I'm not alone."
"I'll get Ellie."
Once the two had connected on the phone, Bryn let them have their privacy. She knew Ellie and knew Lucas' power of persuasion. He would go to the dance and Ellie would stop eating. All would be restored.
Sitting in the dark on the love seat adjacent to the couch where Will slept, Bryn felt her stomach jump to her throat.
What I'm about to do could either right a wrong... or fuck me up for the rest of my life.
As she was about to leave, Will stirred on the couch.
"Good morning," he said, wiping the sleep from his eyes.
"How'd you sleep?"
"Oh now all of the sudden you care about my well being," he teased.
"I could've shaved your eyebrows off while you slept but I chose not to. I think that shows incredible maturity."
"Who was that on the phone?"
"My... aunt."
"I thought I heard you say 'Lucas.'"
"You were listening?"
"You were talking loud."
"Why'd you ask then, weirdo?"
"I dunno. I just wanted you to admit that 'you were scared.'" Scared of what exactly?"
The death penalty when you go missing."
"And that's my cue to stop."
They looked at one another for a moment, then Will broke the quiet. "I should take a shower. I wanna be nice and clean before I get on the bus."
"Bus to where?"
"Calgary."
"You're going back already?"
"It's been a long time. Anyways, school's starting again eventually and I have to get a job and make some money."
"For?"
"Living. Eating. My dad's not paying for anything but tuition this year. Or until I talk to my mother at least. But that'll probably be a long time from now, so..."
"Hmmm."
"Right." He stood and started towards the bathroom.
"Will?"
"Yeah."
"I love you too."
"I know."
They smiled awkwardly then Bryn looked to the floor, her heart breaking. She moved to him, lip trembling, ready to cry, holding back as best she could.
"I just wanted you to know, you know. Before you go back and meet another girl and forget how you loved me."
"I won't forget."
"I was really disappointed when things didn't work out, Will, and now I know why."
"It's hard the first time and every other time after. You just have to-"
"No, it's not that. Well not all that. Just, whenever I look at you, it almost feels like I'm looking at a part of Jen. When you smile, it's like she's smiling and when you laugh it's like she's laughing too. I guess we were doomed from the start, huh, with a mentality like that. And when you said you weren't in love with me, I was broken-"
"Bryn," he sighed.
"No, let me finish. I need to say it. When you said it, I was broken, but I was relieved. I wanted so much for it to work out that I would have my piece of Jen. It's not the notebook or pictures that were enough. You were real. A tangible memory. I think I used you, Will, to try to evoke some memories to keep her alive. But I do love you. I loved the time we were with one another, and I love you."
"I really don't know what to say."
"Then let's just leave it with goodbye."
"Goodbye." He leaned in, and just as everything she had said hit her, Will kissed her cheek and lingered a moment.
She looked at him one more time. She would remember him, she knew. Forever and ever.
They parted, Will to the shower, Bryn to her room.
As she closed the door, Bryn could hear the rumbling pipes as water started through them to the shower head. She sat on her bed, both full and empty, happy and sad.
<|><|><|>
May 15
Connor had just called and Jen had answered without checking the call display. The moment she heard his voice, she hung up.
Her heart was beating so fast she was afraid she might pass out. She pushed the hair out of her face and picked up the phone to call Bryn.
Angelica answered.
"Sorry Jen, Bryn's not here."
"Oh, okay."
"You know, we miss you around here. We hardly see you anymore."
"I know. It sucks."
Pause.
"Well, I'll tell Bryn you called."
"Thank you."
"See you then. Maybe you and your dad would like to come over for dinner sometime this week?"
"I'll bring it up."
"Goodbye."
Jen twisted her face in the mirror and tapped the phone against her knee.
"Cellphone, maybe," she said. She dialled.
One ring. Two. Three. Voice mail.
"Where the hell are you Bryn?" Jen asked the room, dropping the phone back in its spot. She walked around her room, then on a whim, decided to take a walk.
Why does the world seem so happy when I'm so miserable?
She tightened her jacket around her body as a gust of wind blew in her direction.
Why do I even bother?
Jen touched her stomach and bit her lip nervously in response.
Up ahead, a teenage girl was walking in Jen's direction. Jen moved to the right side of the sidewalk, turning herself away. She felt the girl could see what happened; as if Connor had left a mark on her spirit that others could see.
She began to tear up.
"Jen?"
She looked up. "Oh, hey. I tried calling you but your mom said you were out."
Bryn scoffed. "I'm surprised she was oriented enough to know the phone was ringing."
"Sounded sober to me."
"Doubt it. Anyways... what did you call about?"
"Oh, I-" It was harder than she thought it would be to tell someone. It was a lot harder to tell her best friend.
"Sorry, but I'm just on my way home. I know I sound like such a bitch right now but I just have to be home near my bed. I fucking hate Chris."
"Okay." The disappointment in Jen's voice was masked by momentary relief.
"Did I tell you what the asshole said to me?"
"No."
"He said we need some space. As if he's gonna break up with me, right? Do you believe that bullshit?"
"No."
Bryn kept talking, having forgotten that she wanted to be at home. They walked the opposite way Jen had come and soon they were in front of her house.
"Do you have a minute?" Jen asked, interrupting. There was a tinge of urgency in her voice, undetected by her friend.
"I kinda feel like crap. I think I'm gonna go to bed."
Jen lowered her head and cleaned her finger nails with the teeth of the zipper on her jacket. "Okay."
"Well if it's really important, can you just tell me now? Quickly?"
"It's not the kind of thing that comes out quickly. It's kinda big."
"Well then tomorrow at school. Look, I gotta go. My head's killing me."
"Fine."
"Bye."
"Yeah."
Jen watched as Bryn walked away guiltless. Why did she want to leave so fast? What the hell can possibly be more important than her best friend? God, why does everything have to be so hard? If I would have just broken up with him when I wanted to, I wouldn't have this problem.
"Or this one," Jen said to herself, again touching the bump of her stomach that had lately become more noticeable.
She sighed.
"What am I going to do?"
<|><|><|>
Sunday, February 25, 2007
Just Flowers Chapter 14
<|><|><|>
March 13
"Where are we going Connor?" Jen asked, knowing the answer.
"I thought we could visit our place."
"I want you to take me home. I'm not feeling very good."
Connor turned to her. "Not everything is about you. Plus I have to show you something."
"I've already seen the flowers, Connor. Thank you for the necklace, I love it, but I really feel sick. Take me home."
"What's your problem?"
"I wanna fucking go home!" she yelled.
"Shit, Jen, calm down. I'll take you home in a minute."
Jen looked at him. She was exhausted. She was sick. Her fever had spiked, she could feel every part of her burn. The air was clammy and hard to breathe. Tears started to pool on the rims of her eyelids.
"Don't do that. You can't get out of everything by crying," he said, taking the keys from the ignition.
"Take me home," Jen whispered. She could feel something bad coming her way, but she was too far in now, too deep into it all to claw her way out.
Connor unbuckled and slid to put his arm around her.
"I thought we could park for a while."
"Does it make a difference to you at all that I feel like shit? Or do you just not care?"
"Come on, just for a little while."
"No, take me-"
Connor put his hand over her mouth and her heart began to race.
"Just let it happen," he said through gritted teeth, pushing her head to the window with one hand and unbuckling her with the other. he took his hand off her mouth and moved it over her body to her jeans and started unzipping them.
"Connor, don't," Jen said in disbelief.
She was crying now and Connor had unzipped her pants and pulled them to her ankles.
"Jen, just go with the flow," he replied, kneeling above her, undoing his own pants.
It occurred to her than she hadn't tried to physically stop him, so just as he put his hands on the elastic waistband of her panties, she grabbed his hand and sat up. Looking him square in the eye, she said, "Stop it now."
He made a disgusted face at this and pushed her so she hit the seat. Her heat banged the door and a blast of pain exploded from the back of her skull. Connor, now angry, ripped her panties down the side and slid into her as she cried out. Jen was frozen for a moment by shock, but then started making her plea for freedom.
She slapped his face a handful of times before he started to fight back. He punched her in the shoulder, making sure to keep clear of the face, but disregarded this self imposed rule when she scratched him. One closed hand fist to the jaw was enough for her to give up. Once she had quit defending herself, Connor continued to assault her.
Jen felt like vomiting. She was crying so hard now she thought she actually might. Her whole body shook and her heart rate was uneven. At one point near the end, she looked into her assailant's eyes and saw something in them she hadn't seen in a long time.
Connor was the one to look away first and it was all over as quickly as it had started. He got off her and left the car as Jen did her best to get a hold on the situation.
She pulled on her pants and sat up on the seat. Pulling the sun visor down, she looked at her reflection. She was dead. Her eyes were dead and her jaw was swollen.
Swallowing nervously as Connor came back in the car, Jen watched him. He started the engine and they were soon back in town.
"Why?" Jen asked after two or three failed attempts to speak.
Connor said nothing.
"I wanna know."
He was silent, staring forward.
"Why couldn't you just respect me Connor? Do I mean nothing to you?" she cried, fed up with his unwillingness to answer. "CONNOR!"
Jen pulled on the steering wheel, swerving them right and almost into a fire hydrant. Connor made a face as if he had sucked a lemon, but still refused to answer.
"FUCK!" she screamed, winding up and carrying through a punch to his jaw. He slammed the breaks, sending Jen's forehead to the window and his own to the steering whee.
Jen sat back, carefully touching the spot she hit. As she pulled her hand away, she noticed blood and immediately went for the door. Connor saw this and hit the lock button on his side and continued driving.
"I wanna get out here. Let me out," Jen said, thinking that she would like more than anything to hit him again.
"You can't."
"What he fuck do you know?"
"You could get hurt."
"I think you did a good job of that already. I'll be fine."
"No."
"Let me out."
"No! You asked me to drive you home and I'm going to."
"'Cause you always keep you promises right?" Jen mocked.
"Yes."
"Like when you said you respected my decisions to not fuck you?"
Connor looked away and turned down the street.
"You better not tell anyone."
"Good luck asshole. I'm telling my dad the second I get home, then after he kicks the shit outta you, I'm telling my brother and he'll kick whatever shit's left in you out again."
"You better fuckin' not."
"Why, scared?"
"You think they'll believe you? You honestly believe that anyone will think you didn't want it?"
"You think I wanted you to rape me?"
"Oh, I didn't rape you, darling. We made a consensual decision to lose out virginities to each other just like in the movies. And it was sweet and romantic and we went to the place I first said I love you and that's the story everyone will hear."
"That's shit."
"But that's what everyone will hear first. No one will think anything else happened."
"You asshole."
"Sticks and stones, baby."
"Was this the plan all along? To string me along until just before I dump your ass then hold me down and rape me for the fun of it? Or was it impulsive because you knew that next year I'd be moving forward with my life and you would be stuck as a bag-boy for Extra Foods."
"I never meant it," Connor said with a smirk on his face.
"Too late."
"No, when I said I loved you. I didn't mean it."
"I don't care. We're through anyways."
"I heard someone say you were easy so I figured I'd get an effortless lay then dump you."
Jen tried to hide that the words stung.
"But after two dates and nothing, I decided I'd wait. I could do with a few weeks of role playing if it meant that you'd put out. Then after a year, I thought about dumping you, then wondered if I could have my cake and eat it too. You know Kelly Braun? Fucked her. Lilly too. And Bryn."
"Liar."
"Don't believe me? Ask any one of 'em. They weren't as frigid as you."
"You're a goddamn liar!"
"Mmmm. Bryn was the best though. You could hear her moan for miles."
"Stop it!"
"The way she said my name, too. Oh god. The shit she let me do. Wild, that one."
"You're lying! Bryn would never fuck you!"
"She would. And she did. Again and again and again."
"Shut up shut up! You're too much of a pussy to even tell the truth! Why are you bringing her into it?"
"Here's where you get out," Connor said, unlocking the door.
Jen got out and just before she slammed the door, Connor leaned over and said, "Make sure to clean up that cut."
After the door closed, Jen ran to the front door and heard Connor yell something else, but let his words fall from her mind. All she wanted was a hot shower and to call Bryn.
More than anything, she needed a sense of normalcy. She needed something to show her that everything would be okay. Jen turned the door knob and entered the house, trying very hard to keep her composure.
<|><|><|>
March 13
"Where are we going Connor?" Jen asked, knowing the answer.
"I thought we could visit our place."
"I want you to take me home. I'm not feeling very good."
Connor turned to her. "Not everything is about you. Plus I have to show you something."
"I've already seen the flowers, Connor. Thank you for the necklace, I love it, but I really feel sick. Take me home."
"What's your problem?"
"I wanna fucking go home!" she yelled.
"Shit, Jen, calm down. I'll take you home in a minute."
Jen looked at him. She was exhausted. She was sick. Her fever had spiked, she could feel every part of her burn. The air was clammy and hard to breathe. Tears started to pool on the rims of her eyelids.
"Don't do that. You can't get out of everything by crying," he said, taking the keys from the ignition.
"Take me home," Jen whispered. She could feel something bad coming her way, but she was too far in now, too deep into it all to claw her way out.
Connor unbuckled and slid to put his arm around her.
"I thought we could park for a while."
"Does it make a difference to you at all that I feel like shit? Or do you just not care?"
"Come on, just for a little while."
"No, take me-"
Connor put his hand over her mouth and her heart began to race.
"Just let it happen," he said through gritted teeth, pushing her head to the window with one hand and unbuckling her with the other. he took his hand off her mouth and moved it over her body to her jeans and started unzipping them.
"Connor, don't," Jen said in disbelief.
She was crying now and Connor had unzipped her pants and pulled them to her ankles.
"Jen, just go with the flow," he replied, kneeling above her, undoing his own pants.
It occurred to her than she hadn't tried to physically stop him, so just as he put his hands on the elastic waistband of her panties, she grabbed his hand and sat up. Looking him square in the eye, she said, "Stop it now."
He made a disgusted face at this and pushed her so she hit the seat. Her heat banged the door and a blast of pain exploded from the back of her skull. Connor, now angry, ripped her panties down the side and slid into her as she cried out. Jen was frozen for a moment by shock, but then started making her plea for freedom.
She slapped his face a handful of times before he started to fight back. He punched her in the shoulder, making sure to keep clear of the face, but disregarded this self imposed rule when she scratched him. One closed hand fist to the jaw was enough for her to give up. Once she had quit defending herself, Connor continued to assault her.
Jen felt like vomiting. She was crying so hard now she thought she actually might. Her whole body shook and her heart rate was uneven. At one point near the end, she looked into her assailant's eyes and saw something in them she hadn't seen in a long time.
Connor was the one to look away first and it was all over as quickly as it had started. He got off her and left the car as Jen did her best to get a hold on the situation.
She pulled on her pants and sat up on the seat. Pulling the sun visor down, she looked at her reflection. She was dead. Her eyes were dead and her jaw was swollen.
Swallowing nervously as Connor came back in the car, Jen watched him. He started the engine and they were soon back in town.
"Why?" Jen asked after two or three failed attempts to speak.
Connor said nothing.
"I wanna know."
He was silent, staring forward.
"Why couldn't you just respect me Connor? Do I mean nothing to you?" she cried, fed up with his unwillingness to answer. "CONNOR!"
Jen pulled on the steering wheel, swerving them right and almost into a fire hydrant. Connor made a face as if he had sucked a lemon, but still refused to answer.
"FUCK!" she screamed, winding up and carrying through a punch to his jaw. He slammed the breaks, sending Jen's forehead to the window and his own to the steering whee.
Jen sat back, carefully touching the spot she hit. As she pulled her hand away, she noticed blood and immediately went for the door. Connor saw this and hit the lock button on his side and continued driving.
"I wanna get out here. Let me out," Jen said, thinking that she would like more than anything to hit him again.
"You can't."
"What he fuck do you know?"
"You could get hurt."
"I think you did a good job of that already. I'll be fine."
"No."
"Let me out."
"No! You asked me to drive you home and I'm going to."
"'Cause you always keep you promises right?" Jen mocked.
"Yes."
"Like when you said you respected my decisions to not fuck you?"
Connor looked away and turned down the street.
"You better not tell anyone."
"Good luck asshole. I'm telling my dad the second I get home, then after he kicks the shit outta you, I'm telling my brother and he'll kick whatever shit's left in you out again."
"You better fuckin' not."
"Why, scared?"
"You think they'll believe you? You honestly believe that anyone will think you didn't want it?"
"You think I wanted you to rape me?"
"Oh, I didn't rape you, darling. We made a consensual decision to lose out virginities to each other just like in the movies. And it was sweet and romantic and we went to the place I first said I love you and that's the story everyone will hear."
"That's shit."
"But that's what everyone will hear first. No one will think anything else happened."
"You asshole."
"Sticks and stones, baby."
"Was this the plan all along? To string me along until just before I dump your ass then hold me down and rape me for the fun of it? Or was it impulsive because you knew that next year I'd be moving forward with my life and you would be stuck as a bag-boy for Extra Foods."
"I never meant it," Connor said with a smirk on his face.
"Too late."
"No, when I said I loved you. I didn't mean it."
"I don't care. We're through anyways."
"I heard someone say you were easy so I figured I'd get an effortless lay then dump you."
Jen tried to hide that the words stung.
"But after two dates and nothing, I decided I'd wait. I could do with a few weeks of role playing if it meant that you'd put out. Then after a year, I thought about dumping you, then wondered if I could have my cake and eat it too. You know Kelly Braun? Fucked her. Lilly too. And Bryn."
"Liar."
"Don't believe me? Ask any one of 'em. They weren't as frigid as you."
"You're a goddamn liar!"
"Mmmm. Bryn was the best though. You could hear her moan for miles."
"Stop it!"
"The way she said my name, too. Oh god. The shit she let me do. Wild, that one."
"You're lying! Bryn would never fuck you!"
"She would. And she did. Again and again and again."
"Shut up shut up! You're too much of a pussy to even tell the truth! Why are you bringing her into it?"
"Here's where you get out," Connor said, unlocking the door.
Jen got out and just before she slammed the door, Connor leaned over and said, "Make sure to clean up that cut."
After the door closed, Jen ran to the front door and heard Connor yell something else, but let his words fall from her mind. All she wanted was a hot shower and to call Bryn.
More than anything, she needed a sense of normalcy. She needed something to show her that everything would be okay. Jen turned the door knob and entered the house, trying very hard to keep her composure.
<|><|><|>
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