Just Flowers, Chapter 3

That's right, chapter 3


Chapter 3
May 10
Jen lay on the old sofa in the living room reading. The house was empty; her father was out on a lunch meeting with a client interested in his archetectureal work. The day was going so slowly, but Jen enjoyed it. She just wanted to stay in the house - on her bed, on the sofa, wherever - all day and veg.
The phone rang, sending jen up from her comfortable roost. The number on the call display was one she didn't recognize and she sat back down.
"Wrong number," she said to herself, turning on the TV. She flicked through a few channels and stopped on MTV. She put down the remote and continued reading, bobbing her head to the beat of the song playing.
A couple minutes later, the phone rang. Jen again removed herself from the couch and answered. "Hello?"
"Uh.. hi. Is Danny there?"
Ah great, she thought, another one of his bimbos.
"He isn't in at the moment. Can I take a message?" she asked in a mock-polite voice.
"Um, hold on. Wait, is this Jen?
Why is he telling them about me? So help me God if he's using the single father act to pick up women-
"Yeah, who's this?"
"Jen," the woman said, nervously lauging. "it's me. It's Mom."
On both sides of the line there was silence. Jen stood completely unaware of anything but the phone in her hand and the quiet on the other side.
"Jen?"
"Yeah?" she answered quickly, bringing her hand to her chest. She could feel her heart beating hard. It was happening.
"I was wondering if maybe you'd want to have coffee with me. You know, to talk."

They made plans to meet at lunch time at the food court in the mall. Jen tried calling Bryn but got a busy line. She logged onto her email account and typed.

To: BrynBryn
From: Jennifoxy
Subject: my mother

When she had finished, she moved the mouse to click 'send' but held it for a moment. Maybe Bryn didn't need to know about her mother just yet.
Maybe I should see how it goes before doing anything. She probably wouldn't even read the email until I've already told her. There's no harm in waiting.
Noticing the time, Jen saw that she was late. She was out the door when she realized her keys were still in the house. She went back and hurriedly rummaged through the things on her desk in her room, then went through the kitchen, and finally the living room. By the computer, she saw the shining metal keys. Reaching for them, she hit the mouse and inadvertedly sent the email.
Jen stood idle for a moment, then brused it off. No harm in sending it either.
She left without thinking again about it.
Jen was the first to arrive at the food court and got herself a Pepsi as she waited. Sitting alone, she could feel the eyes of others on her as she hunched over her drink waiting, secretly hoping the waiting would last forever. She didn't know what she was going to do. After all, it had been a long time.
A quarter of an hour passed, then half an hour, and Jen went through another pop and a plate of greasy fries.
At a quarter to one, Jen figured she had been stood up - her mother's cowardice was shining through once again - and she got up to leave. She threw away her garbage and started down the mall to the entrance.
Somebody called her name. She couldn't see the woman, but she knew who it was. her heart leapt and her hands started to shake. As she turned around, she thought, So this is it. It's really happening.
The woman waved to her from the table she had been sitting at. Jen took a deep breath, sat down across from the woman and looked into her face.
"Jen," her mother said as though she hadn't been expecting her.
"I thought you weren't coming. I was leaving." Jen was doing a good job being nonchalant, although she could feel the fries trying to make a reappearance.
"Sorry I was late," she said tapping her watch. "This thing is broken. I got it at the crappiest little place."
Sorry I was late? Is that all? Jen's mind screamed. You're about ten years late!
"Jenny, baby," she said, reaching across the table to take her daughter's hands. "My baby. You've grown so much."
"I guess I would look different. The last time you saw me, I was seven." Jen sucked her teeth and watched as her mother took her hands from Jen's to the edge of the table. She started picking at something.
After a moment, she timidly said, "You're right to be angry. What I did was terrible."
"What you did was abandon me!" Jen yelled. Her mother looked around and gave her the don't make a scene look.
"I didn't abandon you, Jen. You had your father. And Will."
As if that makes up for anything - "Do you even care how hard it was for me to come here? I have enough shit going on, I don't need you screwing it up even more."
"Jen!" Her mother caught her arm as she was about to leave. "I know what I did was wrong, unforgivable even. But I'm asking that you be the better person and forgive me."
Jen was caught. Here she was, with the mother she had but never really had and all she wanted was to get away from her. She sat, against all reasoning. "I am the better person," she said, sulkily. It's too late for her to think I'm so well off. She probably knows I'm miserable.
"Okay. Now just hear me out." She looked for the acknowledgement in Jen's face. When she caught a glimpse of hope, she continued. "I know I've been gone for a while and I don't deserve any of your love anymore, but I'm asking as your mother. What do you think about me coming home?"
Come home?
Jen was hit out of the blue. She figured her mother wanted to start getting back in contact, but not just jump back into all of their lives.
How can she even ask that? Does she really believe she deserves us now? That we suddenly deserve her after all this time?
Once again, Jen was caught. She struggled with the idea of forvieness, seeing as her mother didn't deserve it in the least. Then again, she'd been dreaming of this day ever since her father signed the divorce papers and sent them to a lawyer with an address in Cuba. She'd never given up hope, not intentionally at least. Now that the opportunity presented itself - she could have her mother, they would make up for all the time lost - she couldn't see herself forgiving or forgetting. She was disgusted.
"Ten years."
"What?" Her mother looked confusedly at her.
"Why now? Why ten years?"
"Jen, you don't understand. I was just a child then."
"Twenty nine is not a child. Seven is a child. And you just did it without thinking of how you were hurting your seven year old child."
"I was wrong! Okay? I made a mistake and I want all of us to be a family again. I want to make it up to you."
"You're too late. Ten years too late," Jen said. Tears were streaming down her face and she left, avoiding the eyes of the mall-people. They didn't understand, they didn't deserve to stare.

Jen ran. As she approached her home, her throat dry, her lungs working too hard, she collapsed on the sidewalk.
There has to be something else, this can't be it.
She would have stayed there, the cement was cold on her back and legs but she didn't mind. What motivated her to move, at least far enough to get into the house, was the sound of a car driving by. They might stop, then Jen would have to explain what was going on. She didn't need to be more embarrassed than she had been at the mall. She didn't need more people staring, judging her.
Inside, the light on the phone that indicated a new message was flashing and without listening to it, Jen deleted it. It was her mother, she knew it. And to inhibit any more unwanted calls, she pulled the phone jack from the wall.

<><><>

Later that night, Will called, and a half drunk woman stumbled up the stairs to tell her daughter to answer the phone. Bryn picked up the cordless handset in her room and scoffed, then turned her attention to the man on the line.
"Hey, I didn't think you'd call."
"Why not?" he asked. Bryn could tell he was humouring her and that he had something in mind to say.
"Never mind. Why did you call? I mean, um, did you want to talk to me about something?"
"Yeah, sort of. Do you think we could go somewhere?"
"No problem," Bryn said quickly.

When she heard the sound of Will's car pulling up to the house, Bryn jumped fromthe couch and sprinted out the door and across the lawn. She sat down in the passenger's seat and before she could buckle, Will accelerated. Soon they stopped in a grocery store parking lot. They were close to the road and Bryn could hear the cars passing.
Will killed the engine.
"What's wrong?"
He drummed his fingers on the steering wheel and exhaled, looking out his window. Bryn turned her body to him and touched his shoulder. "You're obviously upset about something and want to talk to me about it, or else you wouldn't have called. You can tell me."
He dropped his arms to his lap and thumbed the side of his index finger. "It's just," he started, looking at her big green eyes. "My mom called."
"Oh my god," she said. An eerie feeling crept up her spine and she wondered what the odds were of her having just read Jen's email and now Will's contact with his mother.
"She showed up, actually," he continued, shaking his head. "Walked right up to the house like she still lived there. She was asking to talk to Jen." He said his sister's name as though it had a bad taste to it.
"What did you tell her?"
"The truth. That Jen died two weeks ago and that she had just missed her. And then I shut the door. Ya know, she didn't even ask about me before she asked for Jen. She acted as if she didn't know who I was. I'm her only living child for fuck's sake."
Bryn pushed him, causing him to hit his head on the window. "What the fuck?" he yelled.
She unbuckled, throwing the seatbelt voilently from her body and left the car. She stood a few steps away, arms crossed, shaking her head. Will began to get out of the car.
"Why the hell do you do that Will?" Bryn yelled.
"Hey, you pushed me. What the hell were you thinking?"
"I don't get you. I mean your sister just died and you act like everyone should be consoling you and crying for you. You're a goddam pitty whore!"
"Where the hell do you get off-"
"About the same fucking place as you do, I guess," she snapped.
Will started back towards the car.
"No, don't you run away, Will. Don't you dare say the shit you just said and walk away from me."
He turned and walked aggressively towards her. Stumbling over his words, he gave up and let out a yowl.
"Why are you so mad?" she asked, more calm, able to see his pain.
"I miss her. She was the only peron who knew, like actually knew what I was going through. She was my support. Now she's gone."
Bryn moved to him and took his face in her hands. "I know. It's not going to stop hurting though. You doing this - hating her - isn't going to change anything."
"I know it isn't. I just feel like the moment I let myself fully accept it, I'll wake up one day and I'll have forgotten her."
Bryn sighed and moved her hands down to his shoulders. "You're not going to forget her, Will. You love her and I love her and we'll never forget."
He pulled her in close. Looking up at him, Bryn felt her heart skip a beat. This is it, I just know it is.

She kissed him.
They parted for a moment and Bryn started to explain - thought it ws little more than stuttering - but was cut off by Will's tongue in her mouth.
Passersby either stared for an unbeleving second or averted their gaze altogether. They were lost in eachother for what seemed like days, until a voice called from the other side of the parking lot.
"Bryn!"
They separated, fixing themselves as the figure ran towards them. When he did arrive, they recognized him as Connor, Jen's boyfriend.
"Hey Bryn." He looked at will disapprovingly. "Will."
"Connor," Will said, almost sarcastically.
"Uh, Bryn can I talk to you," he said, eyeing Will, "alone?"
"Sure."
"I have to get going anyway." Will leaned in and kissed the corner of Bryn's mouth. He lingered by her, taking in her beauty, until Connor interrupted by loudly clearing his throat.
When the car had driven away, Connor started, "What was that about?"
"I think we have a little thing going between us."
"When did this happen?" he asked, almost outraged.
"Whoa, calm down. What does it even matter?"
He looked away. "It doesn't. Well I guess it does. I kind of wanted to talk to you about something."
He started walking down the street, towards the residential area and she followed. "Okay, shoot."
It was a block later when he spoke. "I know I'll sound like the biggest asshole in the world for bringin this up, but you know how the spring dance is coming?"
"Yeah," she answered cautiously.
"Are you going?"
"I hadn't really planned on it."
"Oh."
"Well it's just too soon, Connor. I'm not even doing the play anymore. I just need a while, you know?"
"No, I totally get it. My parents keep saying I need to keep my life moving in spite of everything."
"Makes sense." They turned into an empty street and continued.
"They said maybe going to the dance would do me some good. You know, start moving forward instead of dwelling."
"Okay."
"I thought I'd only go if I had someone to go with. Going alone would leave me thinking of her the whole time."
"What would be wrong with thinking of your girlfriend?"
He paused. "Nothing. But she wouldn't want me to be miserable for the rest of my life."
"Yeah, but that doesn't mean you have to go celebrating her death."
"I wouldn't be. Not her death. Her life. I want people to remember the person she was and the things that she did. I don't want her to be remembered as the girl who killed herself."
Bryn winced. She hadn't been thinking of Jen for a while. She didn't want to remember how she went.
"Look, I already asked Mrs. Dann to dedicate the dance to Jen. She said she'd love to. So either way - if I go or not - people are going to be celebrating."
"I still don't know."
"Bryn, you're allowed to have fun."
"I know, it's just that I feel guilty enough right now, talking to you about her like she didn't just die."
"I hate that you're not letting yourself be happy. You can be a good person and still go to a dance. All I'm asking is one dance."
She bit her lips together, searching her mind for a way out. "I guess it can't hurt."
"Awsome," he said, trying to appear as though he hadn't been pleading with her.
Bryn tried to smile genuinely. It wouldn't be so bad, she thought, after all, I did have a crush on him in junior high - what was I thinking? - but anyways, he's a good guy, a nice guy.

"I have to be home right away, so I'll see you later then," he said, happy to go on his way after getting what he sought.
"Bye."
Bryn watched him as he walked away. I wonder what I saw in him all those years ago. I wonder what Jen saw in him. She started down the street in the other direction. I wonder what Will's going to say when I tell him.
She wished he was there with her then, holding her, kissing her like he just had been.
At home she laid on the couch and fell asleep.