Chapter 5

Once downtown, Bryn walked around. She didn't care that the rain had soaked her sweater, or that her hair and makeup were messed.
How can she do that? Just go around and live with herself after saying shit like that?
She began to shake, but for a few blocks, kept walking.
Maybe I'll catch pneumonia. That'll show her.
Bryn discarded the thought and entered the nearest building. The warmth held her and she basked in it. She crossed her arms and noted the name of the shop, Just Flowers.
She couldn't help but smile. She backed up to avoid a table of sunflowers and hit, instead, into a metal shelf lined with white daisies. Bryn watched as one pot fell to the floor and shattered, expelling the helpless flowers and the dirt it rested in.
"Can I help you with something?" a middle aged woman asked, emerging from a door near the back.
"Uh... the flowers... I bumped... I guess I'll buy them."
The woman moved closer, saw the chaos of dirt and petals and smiled. "Would you like a new pot?"
Bryn halfheartedly smiled. "Sorry about the mess," she said as the woman bent in front of her.
"Oh, don't worry about it. I own a flower shop. I'm used to getting my hands dirty." She retrieved a broom and dustpan from behind the register and returned. Bryn inched her way across the room.
"I think you've restored my faith in humanity."
"What?" Bryn asked, looking up from her hands.
"Most people would have left if they broke something."
"I wouldn't feel right."
"I admire your honesty. That's hard to find in people these days." The woman swept the mess into the dustpan and examined its contents. "You don't have to buy these flowers. They're pretty much done for anyways."
"Thanks."
The woman dumped the soil into a trash can behind the front counter. She dropped the dustpan and leaned the broom against the wall. Looking at Bryn, she crossed her arms.
Bryn could feel her judgment. What is she thinking about me?
"Do you have a bathroom in here? I need to dry off," she asked, touching her drenched sweater.
"It's right at the end of the room on the right." She smiled politely as the girl walked by.
Bryn closed the bathroom door. She took off her sweater and washed her face. The cool water felt strange against her face, which, from her reflection in the old mirror in front of her, she could see was red. She thought she had imagined the burning. Bracing herself on the edge of the sink, she looked again into the mirror.
"This isn't happening."
Yes it is.
"All this is one long dream."
You're lying to yourself.
"God, I miss her."
She started, watching her eyes change from green to blue green back to green. She splashed her face once more with cold water then left the bathroom.
"If you don't mind me asking, why were you crying?" the woman asked, touching the petals of a rose.
Bryn paused. Why not tell a stranger everything? What have I possibly got to lose?
"I had a fight with my mom."
"Ah, I hate those."
"I was screaming at her as if it would solve any of my problems. And I was screaming, I mean really screaming. My throat is still sore."
"Wow."
"I even told her I hated her. I mean, I didn't tell her as nicely as I'm telling you, but I still can't believe I said it. I've wanted to say it so many times, you know, and really mean it. But, just never had a really good reason to. Well, there was one reason, but now, life is just so messed."
"Hmmm." The woman touched her hand to her chin in thought. "All I can say is as bad as you think you have it, there's someone out there who has it worse."
"I guess you're right."
"Also, try to appreciate what she's done for you-" Bryn scoffed, but the woman continued, "and try to remember she loves you. I lost my mother when I was eleven. There's so much I wish I could have said and done. I know it sounds silly, but I feel like I wasted so much time not being in her company every second I could."
"It's not silly. It's right. I know exactly what you're talking about."
"Well," the woman said, undoing her apron, "at least I'm not alone."
I'm not alone.
"I want to buy some flowers."
The woman smiled and laughed. "What kind? Daisies again?"
"Yes, actually." She picked up a pot off the shelf and handed it to the woman who took it to the register. Bryn reached absentmindedly into a pocket which wasn't there. "Oh, my money's in the bathroom."
Bryn returned to the bathroom and found her sweater hanging on a hook on the back of the door. She pulled her wallet from the pocket and folded the sweater over her arm. No point in putting this on.
She went back out to pay for her flowers when a familiar voice said, "Bryn, thank God."
Turning around, Bryn saw Will standing, his shirt speckled with raindrops and his hair dripping water into his eyes. "Will, what are you doing here?" She stopped between a table with bouquets of flowers and a stand of mini foil balloons.
"Your mom called looking for you. She was crying and freaking out. She asked me to help look for you. By the way she sounded, I figured you were gone a few days."
"I didn't think she would've cared," Bryn lied. She walked past him nonchalantly. At the register, she paid for the flowers. The owner of the store raised her eyebrows at her customer, but got no reply.
"Why do you say sh-" Will started, noticing the woman behind the register, then continued, "stuff like that?"
"You won't understand."
"Why, because I don't have a mother?"
Bryn shook her head, took her plant and left the store. Will followed.
"Well?" he asked through the rain.
"Well what?"
Will stopped. "I'm sorry that you hate your mother for whatever reason, but you don't have to take it out on me. I just came here to find you."
Bryn bit her lips together. "Why did you come find me Will?"
"Your mother asked."
She looked at the sidewalk, disappointed.
"And I was worried."
Bryn tried to hide a smirk. "Why would you be worried about me?"
Will approached her. "I don't know what I would do if that pretty smile got hurt," he said, leaning in for a kiss.
When they parted, Bryn pressed her cool fingers to her cheek and bashfully looked beyond him at some unimportant spot in the distance. He held her shoulders and walked her to his car. "I have a present for you," he said.
"Really?"
"Yeah. You're really gonna want to kiss me and do other things that I can't say in public," he said, sticking the top half of his body in through the back window of his car.
Bryn looked around. I can't believe this is happening to me. She smiled brushing a wet assemblage of hair from her forehead. "Hurry up," she said, swaying from side to side to stay warm.
He pulled himself out and said, "You know, I could just not give it to you."
"No, c'mon."
"Fine. You've convinced me." He plunged back into the car and came out holding a small cardboard box. Will held it close to himself with one hand and sifted through it with the other. "It's some of Jen's things. I haven't gone through it all yet, but I know she'd want you to have it." He passed her the box.
In it there were a few things, but what she was immediately drawn to was a notebook with two familiar words on it.
"Her notebook? I thought you said she wouldn't want me to read it."
"Hey, even I can be wrong."
Bryn looked as if she were unable to decide whether she was happy or sad. She half hugged Will and let her wet eyes dampen his shirt. She moved back and balanced the box on one arm and placed the flowers in it.
Will went to the driver's side of the car and turned to her before getting in.
"Maybe we can go out some time. Like a real date. Why bother playing this kissing game if it's just a game, right?"
"I'd love to."
"Cool. Hey do you want a ride home?"
"Nah, I want to think some things over. Besides, the rain's letting up."
"You sure?"
"Yes."
"Last chance."
"Goodbye Will," Bryn laughed, walking away. She put her sweater over the top of the box and headed toward her home. When she met the corner of the street, Will pulled up beside her.
He rolled down the window and held out his jacket. "Take it."
"I don't need it. I'm fine."
"As fine as you are, you still might get cold. I don't need you getting sick before our date."
A car honked behind him, and he shook the jacket to hasten her decision. Bryn took it and Will drove away.

When she got to the sidewalk leading into her house, Bryn paused.
I really don't want to face her right now. Maybe I should go over to Will's- no, Mr. Currant is there. He's as much to blame as Mom is. I could go to Connor's. Oh who am I kidding? I have nowhere to go. Every place I think of has a reason not to go to. This isn't fair.
"Bryn?" Angelica called from the porch, waving her over.
"Shit."
Her mother, having caught the fugitive, stood, hero stance, arms akimbo in the door's opening.
Bryn plodded to her impending destiny.
"We need to talk," she said, pushing hair from her forehead.
Damn right we do.
She didn't know how draining the day had been until just then, and as if making up for lost time, exhaustion took over.
"Now, please."
"I'm coming," Bryn mocked.
She walked past her mother and dropped the box at the bottom of the stairs.
"What's that?" her mother asked.
"Nothing you need to know about."
"Fine. Be a child. Your sister is waiting in the kitchen. We're going to talk about what happened today."
She walked away.
Bryn rolled her eyes and followed her into the kitchen, thinking of a thousand things she would rather do. Ellie was hunched over at the table leaning on her hand.
"So the prodigal daughter returns," she sneered.
"Shut up, slut," Bryn snapped. Ellie looked down.
"Bryn," her mother said, staring with her piercing eyes. "Sit down please."
"You don't have to direct me every little step of the way Mom. I'm not retarded."
"Sit."
Angelica looked at the girls and squinted, as if the sun was in her eyes. "I didn't think I had to talk to you two about sex. I figured you were being responsible and abstaining altogether."
Bryn shot a look to her sister but was refused a reply.
"You're young ladies now," she continued, sitting across from them, placing her hands together. "I knew it would happen sooner or later. You get all these feelings bombarding you and because you have no experience, you go with your gut, and let them in.
"Now, I have experience on the subject. I felt many things in the course of my life and love was one of them. I needed something to compare it to though. I didn't go around-"
"Wait a minute," Bryn interrupted. She shook her head, confused. "Is this about Ellie or you?"
"Both you girls. I want to teach you how to control yourselves-"
"Are you serious? Are you actually saying that? You're the one who has to learn self control!"
"Shut your mouth!"
"Fuck you!" Bryn yelled, starting towards the stairs. Her mother caught her by the shoulder and turned her around.
"You listen to me, if you want to continue living in this house, you better learn some respect."
"How respectful is it to screw someone whose daughter just died?"
Angelica let go and crossed her arms, moving back to the table.
"Maybe you should lead by example, then you can yell at me," Bryn added. She hovered in place, wanting so badly to hit the woman.
"Go to your room," she hissed.
"Oooo."
"Go!"
Bryn muttered something under her breath and, scooping up the box as she went, stomped to her room. When she closed the door, she yelled, "You know he's back with his wife."
"Keep your goddamn mouth shut," came the response.
Bryn laughed to herself knowing she'd hit a nerve, but no amount of pleasure she got from her mother's anger could comfort her.
How dare she say control ourselves when she's out there sleeping with the first guy she sees.
She screamed, stamping her feet. She threw a picture frame across the room and watched the glass break into large jagged pieces. Falling back on her bed, Bryn covered her eyes with crossed arms.
She breathed shakily, stuck in a strange state. She wanted to cry, but couldn't. Her body began to tremble and she brought her arms down to her sides for stability.
Her vision was blurred and she could only hear the song Jen used to sing.
"If you fall will you get up
You're stuck in a dream, will you wake up
And if you fell in love, would you hold onto it
And if it's cold will you stay warm
You drift too far, will you swim towards the shore
And if you fell in love would you hold onto it."*

*Azure Ray's If You Fall