Almost Grad

It's almost grad. There are 16 days, in fact.
I have my dress, it was altered. I figured out what I'm doing with my hair and nails. I have had my shoes for a long time. I just need to buy a necklace, a bracelet or two and something to hold my hair together (I don't think a regular ponytail will be acceptable). Other than that all I have to do is wait until grad and not gain any weight. The woman altering my dress took it in a lot and now I have to work double time with the working out to fit into it nicely. And I think I will.
I am such a girl.
And I made fun of Amber so much for announcing how much weight she's lost. It's always "yesterday I lost half of a half of a pound" or "last week I lost a pound". I don't care. Call me when you've lost 30.
I am happy to say I have lost 30 pounds since last summer. I know it isn't that much to lose in 10 & 1/2 months, but just being able to keep it off is enough for me. YAY I ROCK! Today was the first day that someone other and my friend (or her family) noticed.
But now I am being an Amber, so I will stifle myself and go on with something else.

I know I said before that I really want to write, and I do, but I just can't. I know how I want the story to go, but for some reason I am unable to start it until I have it all planned out. Touer thinks that's a bad way to do it, that you should let your characters guide the story through their decisions. He says he has an ending in mind and that's all he needs. I need structure. An outline. If I have that, then I can write a certain number of pages per day because I know what to do with each scene.
I love writing and I hate it at the same time.
I'm only 18 and I want to be the best writer ever, though I know it won't ever happen. I read Zadie Smith's books and I'm in awe. I'm also slightly depressed that I will never be as good. I'm only about as good as the authors I make fun of, which I know is hypocritical, but I suck.

I'm so sad about that. I want to write.
I am writing now, actually to be perfectly frank, but this doesn't county.

On a lighter note, I got a tattoo on April 28th. It's a rose and it's on my neck.